As I sit in solitary, not knowing when or ‘if’ I’ll ever get out of here, it’s given me time to reflect. My life as a ne’er-do-well must cease!
It’s time to put all this foolishness behind me and reach my true potential. Yes, I’ve enjoyed entertaining you with my videos and stories (not to mention my thongs) but greener pastures are beckoning.
So, next week’s Furriends may be the last for some time? 🙀. Despite the undeniably huge success of the show, Hollywood has chosen to ignore my hard work!
Such is the case with newcomers. The elite are loath to give an outsider the recognition they deserve. I understand it, of course. I mean jealousy is something near and dear to my heart.
Why if I wasn’t so secure in the love of my Babes . . . Holy Moly! She’s out there on her own, subject to a plethora of Lothario’s just waiting to win her over! 🙀. Stuff the philosophical introspection! I have to get out of here!
There is only one way to go about this and that is to impress the warden to such a degree that he will have to reduce my sentence and declare me ‘model prisoner of the year’.
Now, how do I sway a demon from the tiny island south of Australia to have me released? As luck would have it, the Cat Gods were with me because while out for my daily constitutional, in the yard, I happened upon a distant relative of my ex-wife.
These long-eared varmints were the real menace to society. (The only one I have ever had an affinity for, was my pal Reginald). Well, I managed to wrestle this idiot to the ground and then I asked to see the Gov’nor. I mean, what kind of fool breaks ‘into’ a prison? Not one of them hares has the brains of a Bugs Bunny.
Inside the warden’s office I presented my prize and claimed, “Gov’nor, I have something for you.” I admit when the Head Screw watched me rummage through my prison garb, his eyes nearly popped out of his head.
But when I pulled the rabbit out of my thong . . . Cool Paw Lucifur nearly fainted! Luckily, I have the reflexes of a panfur and I caught him before he hit the floor. “Not only have I saved your life but I’ve provided you with a delicious supper.” I announced boldly.
There was no denying these facts and while I continued to capture a veritable feast on a daily basis for the warden, my reward was very slow in coming.
It wasn’t until upon one of my forays into the warren, I encountered the one rabbit I thought never to lay eyes on again . . . Yes, my ex-wife.
Now, some of you may not know the sordid story but I was briefly married to a long-eared Jezebel when she hood-winked me into believing I was the father of her kittens.
Being the honourable sort of Tom that I am, I quickly did the right thing and married her. Despite the fact that I was madly, deeply and truly in love with my Babes, Cleopatra.
I was set free with the help of Bella of DDDDC (Deeds Done Doggone Dirt Cheap), who managed to find a loop-hole and was instrumental in getting the marriage annulled.
I have had no contact with the gold-digger since liberation day but now was the time for her to make amends. A plan began to form and it was genius! If this doe was not so conniving, I may have fallen for her, all over again! 🙀
My part of the plan involved the most difficult part. I was to introduce the pair and convince the Gov’nor NOT to masticate! 🙀🙀. (I know prison life is a lonely existence but could this devil control himself?)
I should have had more faith in the powers of the ex! Because once the introduction had been made, she had endeared herself to the Gov’nor and last I heard, they were dating exclusively.
Then last night the warden came to my cell for a chat. “I’ve had a word with the Governor.” He told me.
“You’re the Gov’nor, Gov.” I was a tad confused.
“No. The real Governor of the State. The bloke who hands out the pardons.” He explained.
“Pardon?” I could barely hear his words.
“Stop being obtuse! You’re being set free in the morning.” The warden explained.
“I am??” Could this be happening?
“You are. And my lovely Bathsheba expects you to be a witness.” He kept shocking me with these details.
“Witness to what?” I’m not usually so dim but I needed more info.
“Our marriage.” He answered.
“I’m flattered and all but I’m not that way inclined, Gov.”. In my experience inter-species relationships never work.
“Not you and me, you buffoon. Your ex and I are about to become proud parents. I intend on making an honest doe of her.” The Tassie Devil was living in a fantasy world.
The fur along my spine puffed up and my tail grew to three times its size. I nodded. This was actually going to work. He may think I would attend his wedding but once my paws hit freedom, I was out of there!
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