The Case Of The Grey & White Feline League: Part I

18 Friday Sep 2026

Posted by thejoyofcats in funny cat blogs

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Having the Kontinental Kat for a Boss has to be the luckiest break I’ve ever gotten. (Well, that and being part of the Joy Of Cats family). And I’ll tell you why . . . Since Savoy and I had worked tirelessly, over the summer as undercover agents at the ‘Tibbs In The Park’ festival, we had not recieved the usual 2 weeks vacation (with pay, I might add). But the chubby, black cat who ran our agency thought it would only be fair if we were given that time off now. He’s the best Boss EVER!

So, I spent the first morning of my vacay lying in my cat bed, purring softly beside the Widow Patches, whom snored like a buzz saw in her bed. I got up, had a bite to eat, some fresh water and made a trip to the litter box before returning to the comfort of my bed. All was right with the world.

It wasn’t until the sun moved around in the morning, to cast reflections on the wall, that the quiet vacation turned into a holiday hell! 🙀. First, I leapt from the cat bed to capture the shadows dancing on the wall above the Widow. Did I know this would disturb her? NO, I DID NOT!

Then Zen, my usually calm, peaceful, meditative brofur, joined me at the wall. Now, when I leap up and land on you, it doesn’t leave much of an impression . . . But when Zen, a Mr. Tibbs-weigh-alike, crashes down on you . . . Holy Smokes! The earth moves and I’ve known him to leave craters the size of inverted Mt. Everests.

Needless to meow, when he jumped up the wall and landed atop the Widow Patches, she came up for air, hissing, spitting and cussing like her late husband! (He may have been a grey and white Adonis but his exasperated meows could be quite colourful! 🙀).

“WTFLOOF?!!!” She sputtered and sucked in as much air as she could to maintain normal breathing. “You must weigh as much as my late brofur used to, Fatty Zen!”

Zen scooted from the room. It wasn’t so much that he feared the wrath of our older relative, as it was that he suddenly remembered he had to be anywhere except near Patches.

I gave the Widow my sexiest gaze and asked, “How you doing?”

Patches threw me an icy stare and hissed, “Don’t you have work to do?”

“No. I’m on vacation for the next couple of weeks.” I answered.

This information, obviously, did not sit well with her. She chased me from the room.

I made my way to the kitchen, hoping for some scraps of breakfast but all I found were empty bowls and Zen reading the paper.

“Here . . . Did you see this . . . ? There’s a new Canadian cat treat brand, owned by a . . . Savoy Graydon.” Zen looked up at me with surprise.

“WHAT?!” I rushed over to him. How was I the last feline to know this? I ripped the newspaper from Zen and read the article.

Sure enough, my Savoy, was using her vacation time to start up a new cat treat business. What an enterprising feline! I know times are tough for many cats but with all the money being invested into Canada, at the moment, she had the foresight and brains to cash in on it. “It says here, that the factory is just around the corner from the Agency office. She’s taking over one of the many bankrupt American car company’s factories. That will be handy for her, being so close to the Agency and all.” I observed.

Zen completely ignored me. He had no interest in the felines. Well, no more interest than he does in any cat. His only concern is usually directed towards their souls or when ‘push comes to shove’, his belly. “Did you see this employment ad?” He pointed to a portion of the newspaper, which he still held on to. “It’s advertising for a grey and white cat. You’re grey and white . . . Maybe you can supplement your income while you’re on vacation. It’ll give you something to do and keep you out of the Widow Patches’ fur, for a bit. Maybe you can ask if they want an all grey cat too?”

“I don’t need another job. I have one. In fact, if you count my blog, I have more than one . . .” I reasoned.

“I think you should go and see what it’s about anyway. I’ll come with you.” Zen offered.

I had no intention of doing any such thing until the Widow Patches came into her kitchen and flattened her ears at us. The yowling began and I heeded the warning. Neither of us wanted to hang around for the outcome of her mood. Zen and I ran out the door.

**********

Zen and I had to scramble clear across town for the interview. My brofur waited outside while I joined the end of the queue of grey and white cats hoping for a job in the Grey & White Feline League.

There were dozens and dozens of similarly coloured gorgeous cats. It took about an hour for me to reach the front of the line but I finally entered the room with a giant rat sitting in the chair opposite. From his accent (and size) I knew this rodent was from the New York area.

“Name?” He demanded without looking up.

“Dash Tibbs.” I answered timidly.

His head shot up and an evil grin split his face. “Ah . . . You might be, just, the Tom we’re looking for.” He swiveled on his chair and leered at me.

“You know how to write, don’t you?” He asked.

“Oh, yes . . , I keep my legions of fans entertained on a weekly basis.” I, happily, shared my work experience.

“I don’t care about that!” He snarled. “I mean, you know how to copy things, right? This job requires you to simply be an ai creature.”

“I’m no plagiarist . . . if that’s what you mean.” As a writer I had a line I wouldn’t cross when it came to original material.

The rodent’s face turned ever more vile looking. “You’re hired.” He ground out.

“Thank you, Mr . . .?” I stuck out a paw to seal the deal with a paw shake.

“Thief. But call me, Petey.” He ignored the paw I held out to him.

“You wouldn’t happen to have a position for an all grey cat too, would you? I mean, I know your ad said you were looking for grey and white cats but I know of an all grey cat who could do with some extra treats . . .” I, boldly, inquired.

“Yes, of course . . . Bring her along! You can, both, start tomorrow morning. We’ll pay you 50 treats a day to copy out this book.” Petey slammed a huge manual onto his lap. I recognized it, ‘The Cat Conduct Code Manual’. Start tomorrow at 9 am and I’ll be back on Friday to pay you.”

*********

I joined Zen and told him the good news. He was as ecstatic as I was! I didn’t mention the fact that our new Boss, Mr Thief, was under the impression he was a female feline. I assumed it would not matter and Zen might take umbrage at it.

We spent the entire week copying out the manual, meow for meow. I began with Chapter 1 while Zen got on with Chapter 22, the last chapter. It was tedious work but the thoughts of 250 treats, at the end of the week kept us going.

On Friday, Mr. Thief . . . Petey . . . came into the office and stopped dead in his tracks. “Who the Floof is this?” He pointed to Zen while snarling at the both of us.

“My brofur, Zen”. I answered.

“You said, it was a girl grey . . .” Petey insisted.

“No, I didn’t, actually. You assumed it was a girl cat, for some reason.” I continued to remind him of our earlier conversation.

I don’t know if you’ve encountered an evil rat when it feels trapped? They can be very nasty. Petey threw the treats at us and left the office.

*********

The weekend flew by. I shared my treats with Savoy (little did I know that they were her brand) while Zen meditated and ate all of his, in one go. We returned to the office in good spirits on Monday at 9 am only to find the office locked up. This was disturbing.

“What do you think happened?” Zen asked. “Is it because I’m not a girl cat?”

I didn’t want to admit that this was the reason for the closure but some businesses had been going through crazy times lately.

“Let’s go ask the landlord. Maybe there is some misunderstanding?” I suggested.

*********

We walked to the manager’s office off the lobby of the building. Both of us a bit nervous.

The landlord let us in, after we knocked on the door. “What can I do for you Toms?” He asked.

“The office of Petey Thief is closed. What happened?” I meowed up.

“There is no Petey Thief in this building.” The landlord explained.

“But we’ve been working for him, for a week now.” Zen pleaded.

“What’s he look like?” The landlord wanted this sorted out too.

“He’s a big . . .” I began.

“ . . . ugly, New York rat.” Zen finished.

“Oh, him . . . He rented that office for someone else.” The landlord searched through his files.

“Who?” I asked. This was strange.

The landlord found the file he sought, opened it and announced, “For someone by the name of E. Muskrat.”

WTFLOOF?!!!

End of Part I

*Have Zen and I been working for the Muskrat?!! What a flippin’ disaster!! Something will have to be done. Obviously, this situation needs investigating! Find out what happens next week!

*If my work has made you laugh, momentarily allowed you to forget the state of the world, or snort tea onto a nearby surface, feel free to tip or donate. Supporting writers and comedy is a noble act — like feeding a stray, except with fewer fleas and more encouragement. Every contribution is greatly appreciated and helps keep the words, wit, and nonsense flowing. And it may just indirectly fund future silliness. I thank you in advance. 😻 . . . https://thejoyofcats.wordpress.com/1896-2/

*No Generative AI Training: Unauthorized uploading, data mining, ingestion, or use of this manuscript —in whole or in part—to train artificial intelligence technologies, machine learning models, or large language models is strictly prohibited. No right is granted to use this text for synthetic content generation or algorithmic adaptation. The Recipient agrees not to upload, input, or otherwise transmit the Work, or any portion thereof, into any generative artificial intelligence system, large language model, or consumer-facing AI tool (such as ChatGPT, Claude, or similar technologies) for any purpose, including editing, summarizing, evaluating, or machine learning training, without the Author’s prior express written consent.

*Author’s Note: This blog was written in its entirety by a human — me — without the use of artificial intelligence. The only partial use of ai is on the photos, as I am no artist. What I do is akin to photoshopping to enhance a visual of the storytelling. If you steal my humorous writing to train your plagiarism software woe betide you. We all know ai (& the billionaires who are pushing it) have no sense of humour and therefore won’t get how funny it is when I sue your a$$es for copyright infringement.

The Case Of The OTRB Cattress: Part II

11 Friday Sep 2026

Posted by thejoyofcats in funny cat blogs

≈ 1 Comment

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This case was getting extremely interesting. The police had arrested Harvey Spielcat for the murder of Ms. Catte Davis and now we, at the Kontinental Kat Agency, were being given the great opportunity to question him ourselves. Not a usual occurrence. I suspect the Boss had managed to pull some strings. He was an expert at that.

We all made our way downtown to police HQ. And I have to admit that I was nervous. I do not enjoy being in the vicinity of so many cops. It makes me quite uncomfortable. But the Boss was there and so was my Savoy which helped me remain distracted, anyway.

We were shown into one of the interrogation rooms where Harvey Spielcat sat, smoking one of his huge nip stogies. He sat at a table across from the Chief Inspector. Mr. Spielcat was such a cool customer. If I didn’t know how serious this situation was, I might believe we were simply watching a day of fun and games.

“So, it was you that has been sabotaging the festival, this entire summer?!” Chief Inspector Magic leapt to his paws and stood over the suspect. “And it was you, who stuffed Ms. Davis into a canvas sack and threw her into the lake! Admit it?” The policetom accused.

This allegation hit the mark. I’ve never seen a Tom sweat before but Harvey Spielcat’s brow began to drip like a glacial disaster in Nepal. This line of questioning, definitely, affected him.

“Okay . . . Okay . . . I admit to causing mischief within the festival but I did NOT murder Catte.” He denied vehemently.

Chief Inspector Magic went ballistic and prepared to pounce on the producer. Luckily, the Kontinental Kat grabbed the cop by the scruff of the neck and hauled him out of the room, meowing to us, over his shoulder, “You two get some answers from him.” And the two professional detective cats left Savoy and I alone with the suspect.

Being the more senior of the cats in this investigation game, (I had been on the job for 3 months longer than my Belovéd, after all) I took the lead. “Tell us what you know about the murder of Ms. Davis?” I decided to play ‘bad cop’. It suited my mood and I would never allow my Savoy to appear like a nasty Canadian. If one of us had to be rough, to get the information we needed, it was going to be me.

“I don’t know anything about it.” Mr. Spielcat insisted. “Other than she was stuffed into a canvas sack and thrown into the lake.” He added.

“Aha!” I yowled. “That info has not been made public! You, obviously, know more than you’re willing to admit!” I was no dummy . . . we were, finally, getting somewhere.

Harvey stared at me with an incredulous look about him. The desperado was about to break . . . I could, just, tell.

“You and Ms. Davis were in a relationship, weren’t you?” My Savoy asked sweetly.

“My Belovéd . . . This is no time, or place, to get the celebrity gossip . . . Surely, this line of questioning can be left to the American media? They seem to, only, want to focus on the inane.” I leaned in and whispered to my Savoy.

She shoved me away from her and returned to her questions. “It was no secret, in the theatre, that you two were at ‘it’. In this kind of violent act, the police always look to the tomfurriends first . . .” She continued. “It’s the ones that are closest to the victims that tend to be their abusers . . .”

“That may be true for some countries . . . but not in this case.” Mr. Spielcat answered. “Actually, I don’t know if it applies, or not? You see, I wasn’t the one closest to her.”

“Oh come on . . . Just, admited it.” I turned on the ‘nasty’.

“What do you mean? Surely, a handsome and rich Tom , like yourself, has all the cattresses, he wants, beating down his door?” Savoy turned on her greatest weapon. Flirting. I very nearly hacked up a hairball. If I had to listen to one more second of this tripe . . .

“Catte and I were an item, for most of the summer. Up until that lying, cheating degenerate, Muskrat took over the theatre. She dumped me pretty quickly after that. And over such an insanely stupid thing.” Harvey Spielcat began to open up to Savoy.

“Tariffs?” I nodded. After all, I knew history. And as much as I wanted to continue my line of inquiry, my Belovéd, gave me the ‘do not meow another word’ look. I stood in the corner of the room.

“Why would she dump you?” Savoy implored.

Harvey Spielcat took a deep drag on his cigar and blew it out slowly. “She hated my cigar smoking. All summer, it never bothered her. But a couple of weeks ago, she insisted I stop. I mean, you can’t, just, stop the nip, cold Turkey, like that.” Harvey continued to smoke. “Then it all came out . . . The reason she wanted me to quit smoking was because she was with kittens.”

“That sounds reasonable to me. I’m sure second-hand nip fumes are not good for kittens.” I told him and rejoined them at the table.

“Probably . . . but then she tried to pass the kittens off as mine. She wanted me to pay for their upkeep.” Harvey hissed.

“Surely, you can’t begrudge her that? If you are responsible for those lives, you cannot, just, walk away from them.” I reasoned. “Honour, alone, would dictate that you should be willing to do the right thing.” I added.

“You weren’t the father, were you?” Savoy asked him.

“No I was NOT!” Harvey Spielcat yowled.

*********

On the way back to the office, Savoy explained to me, how she knew that the Producer was not the producer of the kittens and that he had, obviously, been to the vet’s and had the ‘operation’.

I have to admit, I was slightly embarrassed by the conversation. If she could tell that Mr. Spielcat had been neutered, did she know about me? 🙀🙀

My face flushed as we entered the office, but I was soon immersed in a more important aspect of this case. The Kontinental Kat sat with Chief Inspector Magic, P. C. Pumps and Teddy, the medical examiner.

“Good . . . You’re here. The inquest is about to begin. Let’s go.” The Kontinental Kat addressed us.

Savoy and I were shuffled off to the courthouse where the inquest was being conducted. In the rush, we had not had the chance to exchange any of our information with the others.

I sat next to her, in the public gallery of #1 Courtroom, along with a few other interested creatures. The inquest began straight away with P. C. Pumps and Chief Inspector Magic giving their testimony about the arrest of Harvey Spielcat in the murder of Ms. Catte Davis.

Then Teddy gave evidence about finding cigar ash and bite marks, on the deceased. Upon further probing, Teddy admitted that the ash was a match with Mr. Spielcat’s regularly smoked brand.

Lastly, Teddy had to admit that the bite marks on Ms. Davis were inconsistent with anything having to do with Mr. Spielcat. It did not mean, he was innocent, there was simply no match. The inquest ended with a continuance so that the police could further their inquiries and gather more evidence, if possible.

We, in the gallery, all stood to leave. “Look at that . . .” Savoy pointed to a slick, American-looking, grifter near the door.

The grifter took off, out the door quickly. Savoy grabbed my arm. We followed the sinister felon outside the courthouse. We continued to tail the criminal all the way to Lake Ontario. Once on the shoreline, the evil entity removed his disguise and we saw who it was . . . The Muskrat!

He finished off an apple and waded into the water then headed towards Lake America where all the corrupt animals end up.

*********

I met Savoy at the theatre, at noon the next day. We bumped into Steve-o, who told us, “Catte Davis admitted to me that she had dumped Harvey. And that she had signed a deal with an ai Entertainment company from the Divided States of Trump.”

“And how did Harvey take that? Was he angry enough to harm Ms. Davis over it?” I asked.

“Are you kidding . . . ? He was delighted to be rid of her. I think he had his sights on someone younger and far more beautiful.” Steve-o looked at my Savoy, a bit too lasciviously.

I took Savoy by the paw and we left the True North Theatre for the last time.

*********

We went to the Canadian office of the production company called Tariffs Inc. It was the ai company Ms. Davis had signed with. We got all the way to the reception desk outside the president’s office.

“We’d like a meow with the president, please.” I asked the receptionist.

She picked up an ai printout page and read from it, “The president is not available right now. Please make an appointment on-line.”

Before I could comment further, Savoy meowed, “This is ridiculous!” And she stormed into the inner sanctum. All that was there was a huge room with empty take-out coffee cups on the desk and a huge portrait of the Muskrat hanging on the wall facing us.

“Who’s that?” I asked the receptionist while pointing to the painting.

“I’ve never seen him in real life, but I believe that is our president.” She answered.

*********

A week later, the Kontinental Kat came into the office, full of beans and bus tickets.

“What’s up, Boss?” I asked him.

He walked over to Savoy’s desk and gave her a giant lick on the head.

“Hey!” I leapt to my paws.

“Don’t worry . . . You get one too . . .” And he planted a lick on my head.

“What the . . . ?” I stammered and moved away from him.

“The Case of the OTRB Cattress is over. While the culprit is still on the lam, thanks to your work, we know who it is. And if he ever dares to set paw in Canada again, he’ll be arrested and put in jail where he belongs.” The Kontinental Kat told us.

I was astounded. “Who is it?” I asked.

“The Muskrat. And now that we have the scientific proof, thanks to you and Savoy . . .” The Kontinental Kat explained further.

“What did we do?” I looked at my Savoy while interrupting the Boss.

“I picked up the apple that the Muskrat was eating before he hightailed it out of the country and into Lake Ontario. And in his office, at Tariffs Inc, while you distracted the receptionist, I managed to lift one of his coffee cups.” My Savoy answered.

“We sent the pieces of evidence to Teddy, the medical examiner and he did some forensic testing on them. Both came back with a 100% match of the bite marks that were found on Ms. Catte Davis’ body. When the police questioned the employee’s at Tariffs Inc, they all admitted that the Muskrat had had a meeting with Ms. Davis, the day before she was found murdered. The rodent is on borrowed time. He’s going down.”

The Kontinental Kat gave us both some extra treats. I scarfed mine down. A job well done.

The End.

The Case Of The OTRB Cattress: Part I

04 Friday Sep 2026

Posted by thejoyofcats in funny cat blogs

≈ 2 Comments

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Well, we had reached the end of the summer and the ‘Tibbs In The Park’ festival was over. It had been a huge success. Yes, there were a number of mysteries to solve along the way but I have to admit that the Kontinental Kat Agency dealt with them all in our own unique fashion.

Now, that we had acted in our last play of the season, I still did not understand our true assignment. I mean, why had we gone undercover at the theatre? What were we really looking to accomplish?

The best part of the entire summer, for me, was spending so much time with my Belovéd, Savoy. We have become so much closer. There were plays that we acted in where I, actually, got to kiss her! 😻 ‘No one’ and I mean, ‘no one’ can ever take away from me.

Because the Strong & Free Production company was closing down our festival, they decided to honour the cast and crew by having a ‘wrap party’. Savoy and I dressed up to attend the soirée together. This was my chance to ‘meet & treat’ the felines, especially my Savoy.

Upon arrival, there was music and dancing and games of roulette nip throughout the company. As I sauntered around the decorated stage area, I noticed there were a few missing attendees.

Mostly, one of the stars. No. Not Sir Rocky . . . He was a clear and present danger to all the felines. I had never seen such a deluge of flirting come from one Tom. But Holy Smokes, this randy, tabby was after them all! (I stayed quite close to Savoy, in case he got any crazy ideas above his station! 😼)

“Where’s Ms. Davis?” My Savoy asked of Sir Rocky, once he had come up for air after chasing Sarah Purrhardt’s tail around the stage.

“Who knows? Catte has the morals of an alley cat. She’s, probably, enticing the fat, ‘money’, cats, looking for her next role.” Sir Rocky shrugged nonchalantly.

“Surely not? I, always, thought she had class?” I added.

“Ah, the feline is a terrific cattress, no doubt about that. Is it any wonder, that she’s recieved a number of MTIFF nominations?” Sir Rocky turned his attention to the lovely grey cat beside me. “It wouldn’t surprise me, if you were to receive a Tibbsy or two, yourself, my dear . . .”

Okay . . . Now, this Lothario was getting on my nerves! Who the Floof did he think he was?

Before I could put him in his place and move Savoy as far away from him as possible, Chief Inspector Magic and P. C. Pumps entered the party. They searched the theatre while wandering to the middle of the stage/dance floor.

The police constable line-danced over to the DJ and had him stop the music. Everyone stopped dancing and looked to the Chief Inspector.

Magic stepped into a spotlight, “Can I have everyone’s attention . . .” He waited a second before continuing, “I’m sorry to have to tell you all this . . . but there’s been a murder!”

A gasp resounded throughout the theatre!

*********

The next day, found us at the office. I read the newspaper item about how Catte Davis’ body had been washed up on the shores of Lake Ontario!

The Kontinental Kat, of course, knew all about the case so he quickly gave us our next assignment. “I want you two to go back to the theatre and question Sir Rocky. We need to get to the bottom of this crime!” The chubby, black cat ordered us.

“Why Sir Rocky?” I asked.

“He strikes me as being an ‘out of control’ flirt who won’t leave the ladies alone. He must have been involved with the star of the festival.” The Boss reasoned.

“What will you do?” Savoy asked bravely.

“I’m off to get the medical report from Teddy. We’ll meet back here at 5pm.” The Kontinental Kat looked at his watch.

“Right you are.” I agreed for all of us.

*********

Upon entering the theatre, one could feel the solemn atmosphere. It was eerie.

“Where do you think Sir Rocky will be?” I wondered aloud.

“Probably with the chorus felines . . . There he is! Let’s go interrogate him.” Savoy meowed and ran in the direction of the leading Tom. We caught up to him as he entered his dressing room.

We followed him in and I stepped forward to take the lead, “Mr. Sir Rocky . . . Do you have any idea what happened with Ms. Davis?”

Sir Rocky nearly jumped out of his fur. “Oh, it’s you two . . .” He leered towards my Savoy. “Come in and sit down . . .” He patted the seat beside him. Then he looked at me and added, “Don’t you have somewhere else to be?”

Savoy sat next to him and asked, “Were you and Catte Davis having an affair? I’ve heard the rumours.”

“Oh no . . . That was over long ago. We had been an item, briefly. She was besotted with me, of course. Who wouldn’t be . . .” He glanced into the mirror and licked his fur into place. “ . . . But the signs were quite obvious that she had moved on to someone else.” He answered.

“Who?” I shouted and removed Sir Rocky’s arm from around my Savoy’s shoulder.

“I have no idea.” Sir Rocky sneered at me.

*********

Back at the office, I made mention of the star’s behaviour, “That Sir Rocky is some kind of predator.”

“He’s a harmless flirt. He can’t help himself.” My Savoy was a forgiving sort.

Me, not so much. But before I could blast his unwarranted display of bad manners, the Boss returned at 5pm, on the dot.

“What did you find out?” Savoy asked him as she prepared to take notes.

The Kontinental Kat sat at his desk and began, “ Some very interesting information, in fact. I asked, Teddy, the Medical Examiner, what the cause of death was . . . if it was suicide or murder? And he told me, in his expert opinion, that Ms. Catte Davis’ body had signs of being badly beaten up. Which would indicate that ‘foul play’ was involved. He, also, found wounds on the body consistent with cigar burns and bite marks. Most unusual. He deduced that because of those wounds, he was ruling out suicide.”

While Savoy typed all this information into our computer, I did my best to connect the dots. But all I managed was more confusion.

“What did Sir Rocky have to contribute?” The Boss asked.

“All Sir Rocky wanted to do was flirt with Savoy. I swear, if he . . .” I began.

Savoy interrupted me with, “He confirmed that Catte Davis was seeing someone. But it wasn’t him and he didn’t know who it was.”

The Kontinental Kat sat a moment and thought over this latest info. “Go back to the theatre and talk to some of the others. Maybe they know who she was seeing?”

*********

The first felines we saw when we returned to the theatre were Ms. Misha and Mr. Furgus, our box-office and stage managers, respectively. They were all over each other, hugging and kissing and carrying on.

“Can we have a meow with you two?” Savoy asked, slightly sickened by their PDA.

“If it doesn’t take long . . . We’re, just, clearing out our stuff before we make our way to the honeymoon suite. Niagara Falls . . . Horseshoe Falls, to be exact, awaits!” Then they began another intense snogging session.

“Forget it.” I meowed. “Let’s go ask the Widow Patches. She, usually, knows everybody else’s business.”

We made our way to the wardrobe department and knew that Patches was, indeed, at home when we could smell the skunk-nip permeating the hallway.

Entering the smoke-filled room had me coughing up a storm. Luckily, Savoy did the questioning and got straight to the point. “Do you know who Catte Davis was seeing?”

Patches inhaled deeply and let the nip disperse slowly. “Yeah, dudes . . . She was seeing the producer, Harvey, all summer. And when I had to let her costumes out for about the 4th time, she confessed to me that it was because she was with kittens.”

That cured my coughing fit. Savoy and I exchanged shocked expressions. I did not expect this.

“Are you sure?” I blurted out, wanting confirmation.

“Oh yeah . . .” Patches grinned and continued to inhale the nip.

*********

Before we left the premises, we ran into the director, Steve-o Spielcat. Savoy, being the braver of the two of us, took the opportunity to ask, “Mr. Spielcat, were your brofur and Catte Davis involved?”

Mr. Spielcat nodded and meowed, “Definitely. My brofur always dates the leading ladies. He puts it in their contracts.”

“Isn’t he married?” I was shocked.

“What’s your point? My, cigar-sucking, brofur doesn’t care about anyone but himself.” Steve-o answered and rushed away.

“What should we do?” I asked Savoy. “Do we confront the producer?”

Savoy’s eyes grew wide. She pointed behind me. When I turned, it was to see Chief Inspector Magic and P. C. Pumps escorting Harvey Spielcat out of the theatre in paw cuffs!

End of Part I

*Did Harvey send Catte Davis OTRB? Was Ms. Davis really with kittens? Will Dash and Savoy get to the bottom of this mystery? Find out next week! Stay tuned, furriends!

The Case Of The Trapped Muskrat: Part II

28 Friday Aug 2026

Posted by thejoyofcats in funny cat blogs

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“I feel sick!” I had to remain calm or I would lose my cat treats.

“Don’t panic.” The Kontinental Kat kept his head.

“But my Savoy has stood us up! Now, I know she is not adverse to doing such a thing to me . . .” And as an aside, I added, “ . . . Sometimes, I think I annoy her . . . But she would never willingly treat you, her Boss, in this manner.” I knew this to be true.

“We’ll find her. But first, maybe we should find out what’s really happened. She may have, just, been detained?” The Boss looked on the bright side.

“Yes. You could be correct.” I picked up the phone and dialed her number. It rang and rang with no answer. I hung up and took a few deep breaths.

Right up until the door opened and a Puralator man came in and handed me a sealed envelope. I opened it with trepidation. There was a single piece of paper inside. I unfolded it and read,

Dear Dash,

If you want Savoy back you must give up everything! First of all, stop telling the truth on your blog! If you don’t, I’ll have my hackers destroy your accounts and reduce your influence so that you never get to entertain anyone and your past followers will forget who you are.

I will use my enormous amounts of money to destroy you and the True North Theatre. We don’t need any of your ‘so-called humor’ in this universe! It’s all about the money and power we wield!

So, back off or you’ll never see Savoy again!

All my love,

Anonymous U. S. Citizen

What a dilemma! WTFLOOF was I supposed to do now?!!! 🙀🙀

The Kontinental Kat came over to me and rubbed his head against mine. “Don’t fret . . . We’ll get her back. I’ve never lost an agent yet and I don’t intend to ever lose one now.” He seemed determined.

“What should I do?” I was at a loss.

The Boss went to his desk and rummaged through the top drawer. He came back with a pile of papers and plopped them on my desk.

“What’s this?” I asked.

“Your play.” He answered.

Looking at the title page. ‘The History of Tibbsdenio’ was, indeed, the play I had written for the Tibbs In The Park festival.

“I don’t understand.” I told him.

“Put it on-line. Let the people decided what you should do.” The Kontinental Kat had a great deal of respect and confidence in the cat community.

“But . . .” I knew this play had a theme about love and freedom being better than cruelty but would anybody else see it?

“If the Muskrat wants to destroy free speech, let the masses judge him and his businesses. It’s time to take the blinders off and show the billionaire Muskrats of this world, just who has the real power. And that we the people can make or ‘break’ them. When you have the opportunity to spread good fun and the joy of cats, and you try to suppress it, we will fight for what makes us laugh. Not be forced by the humourless creatures who don’t know how to enjoy life without demanding money from it.” The Kontinental Kat was wise beyond his years.

I set about getting my play on-line, via my blog. I posted it and waited for some feedback. It was up for a mere few hours before the hackers stole all my social media accounts and blocked the world from enjoying my humour. All this, in order to put me out of business and take away the fun of the joy of cats. 😼😼

*********

Hacking up is never much fun but I could not keep it in any longer. The stress of having your livelihood destroyed because of the truth was too much for me to take. And if I thought about my Savoy languishing in a den of iniquity and underage kitty bothering, it was just too much . . .

I ended this thought by hacking up merely foamy water. This was not normal! Before I could return to a stress-free life I had to get my Savoy back.

Luckily, the Boss invited Chief Inspector Magic and P. C. Pumps to the office. They entered and the Chief Inspector stood behind me while the police constable sat down. Pumpkin seemed to be distracted. He scrolled away on his phone.

“What’s bothering you?” I asked him.

“It’s this latest internet scandal. It’s gone viral . . .” He answered.

“What has? What scandal?” The Kontinental Kat inquired.

“There was this scathing blog about how a billionaire tech-rodent was trying to take over the world by destroying the humour of small brands and then all of a sudden it was gone. The people of the internet are in an uproar!” P. C. Pumps explained.

“Whose blog was it?” The Boss asked.

“Something called the Joy Of Cats.” P. C. Pumps looked it up on his phone.

“But that’s us! That’s me!” I yowled.

“What?!!” Both the policemen remarked at the same time.

“Yes. I posted my play, ‘The History of Tibbsdenio’ on my blog. It was all about how love will save the day over these poor, pathetic, unlovable, behemoth tech hooligans.” I confessed. “And to show how truly dangerous they are, the Muskrat has catnapped my Savoy and will probably do unmeowable things to damage her. You’ve got to help us!” I pleaded with the officials.

I have to admit a plan was quickly devised but I was lost in the drama of Savoy being catnapped and did not pay much attention to my part of it. Fortunately, I was asked to accompany P. C. Pumps to his real estate job. I suppose it was to distract me while cooler heads prevailed?

We reached the house and met Pumpkin’s brofur, Teddy. The Betts Brofurs had filled their home with apples, carrots and parsnips and lay them in a line leading right to a trap. I was told to hide behind a curtain with my paws full of cattails and I waited.

It took very little time between the door opening and the sounds of a nasty animal slobbering away at the food. I heard the cage rattle and I leapt out, slamming the door shut.

Then I began to pelt the trapped Muskrat with the cattails. Both Teddy and P. C. Pumpkin took turns trying to pull me away but I would not relent.

“Where’s my Savoy, you greedy rodent!” I continued to pummel the beady-eyed ball of fur!

Fortunately, Chief Inspector Magic and the Kontinental Kat burst into the house and finally all four of them pulled me away before I could inflict the kind of damage this animal really deserved.

Then the Kontinental Kat sent me away. As I walked down the driveway, I wondered where the rest of the police force was? After all, a crime of this magnitude should have involved the entire RCMP, shouldn’t it? I did think it was a bit weird when I noticed the Widow Patches sitting in one of the cars, though. Why would she be here?

*********

I went back to the theatre to prepare for this week’s play and to let the others deal with the evil Muskrat. As far as my Savoy’s safety was concerned, I was livid and prepared to do all manner of harm to that unconscionable rodent . I had to trust they would save her.

*********

Rehearsals of the play ‘Love’s Labour Won’ kept me occupied and were going remarkably well. I was still very distracted. So much so, that I did not even flinch when Ms. Catte Davis, the star, threw a ‘Diva tantrum’ about the Widow Patches wanting to make a few changes to the costumes. What did I care if there were wardrobe alterations for the ladies in the cast? So long as my Belovéd would be here, for me and everyone (but especially me), to see her in the frock.

Needless to meow, I was absolutely thrilled when Savoy showed up late for rehearsal. I ran to her and would not stop purring. I licked her head until she shoved me off her.

“He didn’t hurt you, did he?” I asked my Belovéd in all seriousness.

“No, no . . . The Kontinental Kat, along with the police, broke into the Muskrat’s dungeon and released me. I’m fine. Now, get off me.”

*********

It wasn’t until the day before we were to begin the new play that I read in the newspapers about how the Muskrat was under investigation for illegal confinement and a charge of kitty bothering. The article went on to say that the Muskrat could not be found! My blood began to boil again! WTFLOOF?!!! We, actually, had him! How did he get away?

I continued reading about the claims by the police that they would be searching the Muskrat’s business files, as well, on allegations of deliberately quashing the truth on his social media platform.

Apparently, he went out of his way to harm certain small brands of humour, like the Joy Of Cats. And to quote the paper it said, ‘this fun-cat brand is a great source of humour not to be found anywhere within the Divided States of America. It is well worth a visit to their blog.’

Holy Smokes! This was a great boost for me. And I was so proud but no one mentioned this turn of events! How would I tell Savoy? This kind of bad news could be devastating.

Then I had a brilliant idea. If I could turn this disaster around and find the courage to do the one thing I had been reluctant to do, maybe now was the time to take the next step and ask Savoy to be my wife? 🙀🙀🙀

*********

I stood at the altar waiting for my bride-to-be to saunter down the aisle towards me. Her wedding dress was made by the Widow Patches out of . . . was that Muskrat fur? 🙀🙀🙀

The play ended with Sir Rocky and Catte Davis, also getting wed. This was the big Finalé scene of ‘Love’s Labour Won’, so while I got to marry my Belovéd, it was only within the confines of the play.

However, after opening night, there was a ‘real’ wedding backstage. Yes, Ms. Misha and Mr. Furgus, the box-office and stage managers, respectively, were married.

This cat community is the best. And filled with so much love. I am overjoyed to be a part of it! But this is not over with the Muskrat!

The End!

The Case Of The Trapped Muskrat: Part I

21 Friday Aug 2026

Posted by thejoyofcats in funny cat blogs

≈ 2 Comments

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This lost Tibbspearean play, ‘Love’s Labour Won’, was pretty darn good. It was so much better than the play I wrote for the True North Theatre. This one could have, actually, been written by the Bard Tibbs.

It, absolutely, had the feel and essence of all the original plays we had performed over the summer. And I, as the only one with the knowledge and skills needed to promote the fact that the ‘Tibbs In The Park’ festival was up and running again was fully prepared to entertain the masses.

Rehearsals were going so exceedingly well, that we all had a little extra time on our paws. My Savoy took to helping out the Widow Patches in the wardrobe department. Together they worked on some unique designs for the costumes.

The stars of the play, Ms. Catte Davis and Sir Rocky, of the Hudson, spent their free time doing promotional videos to advertise the festival’s return.

And I had been assigned to help Ms. Misha, the box-office manager, with getting the message out that we were, indeed, ready for an appreciative audience again.

“Once Sir Rocky and Ms. Davis finish their videos, we’ll get them on-line and sent out to all the platforms. The new, hot places are Eh!, Gander and CanadaPlatform. The old U. S. based platforms are fast becoming boringly obsolete. They aren’t in the least bit social anymore and they’re so full of ads, it’s disheartening.” I explained to Ms. Misha. I had the pulse of the future and it lay north of the 49th parallel.

“So long as we get ‘bums on seats’, I’ll be happy.” Ms. Misha replied. She was very good at her job.

“I think that will be a given. With our publicity machine and this lost play, the finalé is bound to be the hit of the season.” I continued to be optimistic.

“Yes, I saw most of the play. It’s, absolutely, the best thing I’ve ever seen. I, particularly, love the ending . . . All those weddings!” Ms. Misha hugged herself as she thought about the big finish.

“You’re a bit of a romantic, aren’t you Ms. Misha?” I smiled.

“Weddings are a special favourite of mine, I must meow.” She answered dreamily.

“Are they?” I found this weird, but some felines had their heads in the clouds about marriage.

“Oh yes . . . I’m hoping to get wed soon, myself.” She grinned.

This explained a lot. “And who is the lucky Tom, if I might inquire?” I wondered.

Before she could answer me, an official looking Tom walked up on stage and was directed to Steve-o and Harvey Spielcat, the brothers in charge of the festival and play. All three had a short conversation, ending with Harvey yelling, “Everybody stop!”

Well, that kind of thing is bound to send us cats into a bit of a tailspin. Cats ran in every direction.

Savoy and Patches, of course, ran towards the ruckus. Brave cats, that they were.

“What is it?” Savoy asked.

“We’re being shut down!” Steve-o answered, his meow laced with anger.

“We’ve got a ‘cease and desist’ order and until we get it sorted out, the play has got to be cancelled!” 🙀🙀🙀

*********

Savoy and I went, right away, to inform the Kontinental Kat. This was definitely something he should know about.

As we entered the office, it was to find the Boss with Chief Inspector Magic, P. C. Pumpkin, along with another sandy coloured Persian, and brother, Medical Examiner Teddy.

P. C. Pumps was meowing, “Yes, I have a real estate license. I need the part-time job to make ends meet. I have a lot of dietary requirements to keep fit and healthy. Can’t do that on a P. C.’s wage.” He nodded at the others.

The Kontinental Kat interrupted their conversation when he saw us come into the office. “What are you two doing here?” He asked.

“We’ve been ordered to ‘cease and desist’.” Savoy answered.

“WTFLOOF?” The Boss could not hide his surprise.

“Apparently, the Muskrat is suing us about the lost play. He claims he owns the rights to it.” I elaborated. I knew copyright laws.

“But that isn’t . . .” The chubby, black cat was annoyed. “We’re going to need some legal advice.” He glanced towards the police.

“Don’t look at us!” Chief Inspector Magic shook his head. “Find someone who knows the law!”

*********

So, Savoy and I were sent off to the building across the street. The Kontinental Kat’s lawyer kept an office there. We waited in the outer office until the famous attorney, Clarence ‘Lumpy’ Darrow, called us into his domain.

“Should I confess, my Belovéd?” I asked. “We don’t want Mr. Tibbs’ good name and standing to be questioned, after all.”

“That’s an interesting idea.” My Savoy answered.

Before we could get much further with our plan of action, we were shown into the lawyer’s inner sanctum.

“What can I do for you two?” He asked. “I can whip up a quick prenup, if that’s what you’re here for.”

“NO!” Savoy seemed annoyed by the suggestion. “We’re with the Kontinental Kat Agency. Our Boss meowed to you about the case, I believe . . .” Savoy got down to business.

The attorney got on his computer and searched his files. He stared at the screen for a moment and then said, “Ah, yes . . . The Intellectual Property case. If we can drag this on a bit, it should bring in quite a bit of dosh!” He murmured to himself. “I’ve read the complaint and while it may take some time, it will be an easy win. All you have to do is prove that this . . . Tibbs, feline . . . actually wrote the play. It shouldn’t be too difficult. Which one of you is Tibbs?” Mr. Lumpy looked from me to Savoy.

“That’s my name . . . But I didn’t write this play. Mr. Tibbs is a distant relative of mine.” I admitted.

“Have him come in to see me and we’ll straighten this out in no time.” Mr. Lumpy kept it all very professional.

“That’s not so easy.” I added.

“Why not?” He asked. “We’ll subpoena him if he doesn’t want to go to court.”

“That might be a bit difficult.” I continued.

“He can’t defy a subpoena. He isn’t the President of the Divided States, is he?” The lawyer blanched at the thoughts.

“No. He’s OTRB.” Savoy come out with it, bluntly.

“Oh . . .” Mr. Lumpy finally understood the dilemma. He gave this new twist some thought.

“But what if someone else did write the play? And what if, this other Tom, wanted to remain anonymous?” Savoy asked the questions that I, certainly, was too afraid to ask.

“It can’t be done.” The legal mind returned. “Everyone involved will have to own up.”

I grabbed my head. This was not looking good for us. Why, oh why . . . didn’t we, just, cover up for the writer of this Tibbspearean play?

*********

I went back to the Kontinental Kat Agency in a sombre mood. Mr. Myer Michaels was with the Boss and he had, obviously, taken some legal advice too.

“I hope you can prove where you got the play from, KK. Because I’m not going to jail for you or anyone! If I have to testify, I’ll squeal like a stuffed pig about where I got the play.”

Holy Smokes . . . This situation was getting worse and worse!

*********

Then the Unthinkable Happened!

After Mr. Michaels left the office, I took it upon myself to do a bit of on-line research for the play. Just to see how the publicity was going and if there was a buzz being generated. What I found stunned me. Crickets! Not one peep from anywhere on the internet. In fact, it looked like someone high up, in the tech world, was stifling our efforts. Then a screen came up on the True North theatre’s website . . . ‘Hacker’s Paradise Strikes Again! The Lost Play Is A Fake!’

We’d been hacked. And now no one was able to see us! Rumours and accusations abound! And now everyone knew the dilemma with which we found ourselves.

And, as if that weren’t bad enough, P. C. Pumps came into the office with the Boss meowing, “It’s done but I have to tell you what else happened . . .” The police constable followed the chubby, black cat closely. So closely, in fact, that when the Boss went to his desk, he nearly sat on the uniformed Tom. Luckily, the sandy coloured Persian ran out from under him before he got squashed.

“What happened?” The Kontinental Kat asked while taking his place behind the desk.

“While we were closing the deal, the Muskrat had your other agent there with him. And he was . . . how shall I put this?” P. C. Pumps searched for the right meows, “ . . . He was nibbling on her ears and began licking her head. It was quite disturbing. Then he insisted they were going to repopulate the earth with Muskrat kittens!” P. C. Pumpkin shivered at the thoughts of these mongrel babies.

I leapt to my paws. All thoughts of hackers and what they’d done to me, went out of my head. Savoy’s safety was at stake here.

Luckily, the door opened and in sauntered Savoy. I ran to her and threw my paws around her neck.

“Savoy!” I licked all the Muskrat scent off her.

She shoved me off her.

“What happened?” The Kontinental Kat inquired with relief.

“Nothing happened. All is going according to plan.” Savoy’s eyes sparkled.

“Excellent.” The Boss grinned. “Shall we meet up again tomorrow morning to form phase II of the plan?”

Ever get the feeling, you’re out of the loop?

*********

I entered the office early the next day, bright eyed and bushy tailed. The Boss and I waited and waited for our colleague so we could come up with a plan to trap the Muskrat. Savoy did not show up! 🙀🙀🙀

End of Part I

*Holy Smokes! WTFLOOF?!! If anything untoward has happened to my Savoy, there will be hell to pay and Muskrats to hunt! I will not stop until the rodent is destroyed! Never underestimate the reaction of a mild-mannered kitty!

The Case Of The Sinking Ship: Part II

14 Friday Aug 2026

Posted by thejoyofcats in funny cat blogs

≈ 3 Comments

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“This is humiliating.” I hung my head in shame as I sat, with my Belovéd, in the Kontinental Kat Agency office.

“What is?” She, honestly, seemed oblivious to the fact that we had just been unceremoniously made redundant from the True North Theatre and its ‘Tibbs In The Park’ festival.

“I’ve never been fired before. I don’t like this feeling. The arrogant, filthy rich should not be able to depose of their enemies so cruelly.” I meowed my opinion on the state of affairs in our world, at the moment.

Savoy smiled at me in a beatific way. (My Lord, she was lovely). “You know working at the theatre was only part of what we were doing. We’re detectives and just doing a job.” She reasoned.

“I suppose when you look at it that way, it isn’t so bad.” I gave it some thought. “But we, never, actually finished the job we were meant to complete.” I had no idea what that job was, ultimately, but I know we hadn’t got the culprit because no one had gone to jail.

“This might, all, be part of the bigger picture?” Savoy suggested.

Could this be so? The Kontinental Kat had never explained what our mission was, at the theatre. We, just, kept getting caught up in the mysteries that seemed to appear, on a weekly basis. (Like we were living life in Cabot Cove on Murder She Wrote! 🙀). Surely, there was not some overriding conundrum that connected all of the little peccadillos that had occurred over the summer? No . . . That was climbing aboard the VIA rail train to Conspiracy Theory, Yukon Territory. “I hope the Boss, sees it that way.” I observed.

Just then the Kontinental Kat skipped into the office like he was chasing the reflections on the walls. (Why hadn’t I noticed them?!) 🙀🙀

“You’re in a good mood, Boss. Unfortunately, we have some dire news for you.” Savoy began and looked at me to finish her confession.

She might have wanted me to continue but I noticed the wall reflections now and took up the chase. As a number of books fell to the floor, both of my work colleagues yelled, “DASH!” I refused to be distracted and continued to stare at the wall.

“Since he won’t tell you, I will.” Savoy, being the bravest feline on earth, began. “We’ve . . . All of us, at the True North Theatre . . . have been fired.” She waited for the Boss to react.

I, finally, pulled my attention away from the reflections and looked to the Kontinental Kat. To my surprise, the chubby, black cat began to laugh. He continued to shake from the belly up, until he rolled on the floor. “WTFLOOF, Boss?” I was confused by this strange response.

“Not to worry, my fellow sleuths . . . This could work in our favour.” The Kontinental Kat rose and sat at his desk. He wiped his eyes.

“How?” Savoy asked.

“Well, we might, just, put on a show of our own.” The Kontinental Kat started to empty his pockets. “You see, in my quest to suss out the Muskrat, I found something quite interesting.” The Boss removed, what looked like a script, from his jacket pocket.

“What’s that?” I could not see how any of this would help us.

“I found the missing play by the Bard Tibbs.” The Boss held up the script.

*********

The next day, Savoy and I went back to the outdoor theatre to clean out our dressing rooms. It was only right that we should get our stuff. I had a few pens and paper to pick up while Savoy had her make-up, fur extensions, various girdles, bustiers and wigs. I carried her boxes of paraphernalia while she carried my pens.

We passed by the wardrobe department and Savoy meowed, “I’d like to meow ‘good-bye’ to the Widow Patches.” I thought she was pushing things too far but, as usual, I could refuse, my Belovéd, nothing.

When we entered the room, it was to find the Muskrat passed out on the floor. Patches remained attached to her nip hookah pipe and she puffed away.

“Is he dead?” I motioned towards the rodent as I placed Savoy’s boxes of stuff on the floor.

“I wish . . . He’s depleting my nip supply just like he’s done with humour and decency within his companies.” Patches answered.

“You sound like you loath him?” I observed.

“Doesn’t everyone?” Patches returned.

“Why are you staying on, then?” Savoy asked her auntie.

“Someone has to entertain the masses.” Patches reasoned and continued to inhale from the catnip hookah.

“I didn’t know Muskrat’s were prone to nip?” I pointed to the prone rodent again.

“They aren’t, really, but he needed a bit of calming down. I added a little Warfarin to his portion.” Patches smiled.

“Why would he need to calm down?” I wondered.

“He’s angry with the writer of the ‘Species’ magazine article that portrayed him as a tyrannical maniac.” Patches puffed away.

“Ah, yes . . . Do you know who it was that wrote that article?” Savoy inquired with a note of innocence.

“Whoever is was, they really ticked, the Muskrat, off. They should be congratulated.” I added with a bit of a laugh.

“Congratulations.” Patches held out her paw towards me.

“You mean . . . Him?” Savoy pointed towards me with, I must admit, a nod of admiration.

“What are you two on about?” I asked.

“You wrote it.” Patches insisted.

“I did not!” I was adamant.

“The article came from your computer.” Patches grinned.

*********

Unbeknownst to us, the Kontinental Kat made a visit to the office of the Strong and Free Production Co. He stood in Mr. Myer Michaels luxurious office. Mr. Michaels sat at his desk wondering what the chubby, black cat was up to.

“Plans are afoot . . . or should I meow, plans are apaw? I advise you to be prepared to ride in on your trusty steed, to save the day.” The Kontinental Kat slapped a stack of papers on his desk.

Mr. Michaels smiled.

*********

Before Patches could explain how I had anything to do with the article about the Muskrat, the weasly animal began to stir. Then the Box Office Manager, Ms. Misha, entered the room, asking, “Is he here?”

We all looked to the semi-conscious muskrat.

“There you are . . . I have some grisly news, Sir! I’ve just been informed that Mr. Michaels has acquired the rights to the lost Tibbs play and because of that, our ship is sinking. Since you cancelled the festival everyone is returning their tickets for refunds. No one is coming to see your ai version of the lost play. It seems the audience wants material written by ‘real’ cats not robot ones.” Ms. Misha spelled out the situation for the rodent who thought he knew better than the poor peasants.

We stood amongst a stunned silence. The Muskrat sat up and blinked those beady eyes a couple of times before his hackers bleated their way into the room.

“Nobody is coming to my BIG SHOW?!” The Muskrat seemed unable to grasp the reality of the situation.

“They’re jealous of your wealth! But we can fix this . . .” Dario, the head hacker said. “We can make it look like your show is a sell out.”

“Do it.” The Muskrat agreed.

*********

Opening night at the Muskrat’s X Festival, saw an empty audience which seemed appropriate as there were no cast or crew to put on a show. Only bots trolling the entire event.

“Word got out that this show was irrelevant and fake entertainment.” Dario approached the Muskrat cautiously.

“How?” The Muskrat demanded.

“How, what?” Dario asked.

“How did word ‘get out’ about the show?” The Muskrat wanted answers.

“It went viral. Something called the Joy Of Cats brand started posting the truth about you.” Dario slipped up by telling it like it was.

“I want the cat or cats who thinks they’re more popular than me and crush them! We’ll take away their accounts and stop them from getting the truth out . . . I mean, stop them from getting their fake news out!” The Muskrat lit up a nip joint and threw the match at the hacker who ran off aflame.

The night was an unmitigated flop. And although it was deemed SRO (standing room only) because the Muskrat had paid for all of the tickets, it was a major failure after real writers panned the event.

*********

The papers, the next day, were full of the misfired fiasco. This was the biggest box office flop since Heaven’s Gate.

*********

In the office the next day, Savoy read the papers to us. It was sad. As much as I disliked the Muskrat and all he stood for, he ruined a great thing by making the Tibbs In The Park festival a place of chaos and strife. Instead of a stage of fun loving entertainment, where like-minded creatures (and more importantly, cats) could congregate and share some fun, he turned it into a platform of negativity. I shook my head. How the mighty have fallen.

The Kontinental Kat looked towards the door of the office when a knock was heard. In walked Mr. Myer Michaels. He heard the last part of Savoy’s readings, “‘I’ll get the Tom who did this to me.’ The Muskrat was quoted as saying. He hasn’t been seen since . . .”

“Ha!” Mr. Michael’s let out. “The Muskrat has abandoned the sinking ship and sold the theatre to me. I got it for a song. He, truly, is a pathetic excuse for a businessrat. That’s why I’m here . . . I need to put on a play quickly and get the whole ‘Tibbs In The Park’ cast and crew together again. Can you do it?”

The Kontinental Kat grinned. Savoy and I got on the phones. We were back in business.

*********

In a castle dungeon, on Billionaire Row, the Muskrat sat amongst a plethora of torture equipment used on his hackers.

“This is not over!” He squealed.

The End

The Case Of The Sinking Ship: Part I

07 Friday Aug 2026

Posted by thejoyofcats in funny cat blogs

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The money people in the industry are the ones who think they are all important. Yet, in life, and especially art, they overestimate their importance on a regular basis. So, needless to meow, we the cast, were all a bit nervous when Harvey Spielcat, the producer of the Tibbs In The Park festival, called a meeting at centre stage for the entire company. What could it mean?

Mr. Spielcat took his place in the limelight. He revelled in the attention. Money fell from every one of his pockets as he paced the stage, for all to hear and see.

“I’ve got a terrific announcement to make for all of you . . . Due to my gre . . . great need to eat and live the life of a king, I have decided to sell off my production company and leave you all to the future of the industry, run by that paragon of success, The Muskrat.” Mr. Spielcat stood as if expecting a round of applause but all he received was a stunned silence.

He scurried off the stage to be replaced by the lopping gait of a creepy, suit-wearing Muskrat. The animal attempted to smile but immediately wiped any traces of pleasure from his features. It was almost as if to show joy was some kind of weakness?

I looked around the stage to see the reactions of my fellow thespians. None of them were pleased.

“This is big everyone. I’m here to save your lives and your jobs. There is no one as accomplished as I am at making a company profitable again.” The Muskrat began and I think he actually believed the nonsense he was spouting?

Steve-o Spielcat, our director, stepped forward, “You have no idea what entertainment is about.” He meowed with conviction.

The Muskrat was startled by this fair assessment. “Huh . . . ?” He looked at the director with surprise.

“You may understand technology but you do not know an audience. What do you plan to do? Replace everyone with ai generated cators?” Steve-o continued.

“You’re fired!” The Muskrat fumed and dismissed the great director.

“You can’t, just, fire the director!” Ms. Catte Davis meowed up. Her tail puffed up like nobody’s business.

“He’s a vital piece of the entertainment puzzle.” Sir Rocky added.

“Fired! Fired!” The Muskrat got rid of our lead cator and catress without an ounce of remorse. “Anyone else got anything to meow?” The Muskrat blinked his beady little eyes at all of us.

Now, a muskrat blinking at you, does not have the same meaning as when a cat blinks at anyone else. Our blinks are full of love. A Muskrat’s blink is full of malice and hate which comes from the place most animals house their hearts. I suspect that the hearts of muskrat’s would be closer to their anuses?

“Now, let me get back to what I have planned for the rest of the Tibbs In The Park festival . . . First of all, we won’t make many changes. But we will bring in more free speech. And anyone who doesn’t agree with that way of thinking, will be fired. The goal will be to make as much money for me as possible. So, anyone who wants to donate their paycheques to me will be sure to keep their jobs. Otherwise, you might find yourselves out with the trash.” The Muskrat was, indeed, serious. He never once cracked a smile. “We’ve found a lost play called . . .” He snapped his fingers at one of the Brazilian sheep hackers behind him. When the South American ovine didn’t produce an answer quick enough, the Santa Inêz was fired too. The Muskrat moved on, “ . . . It doesn’t matter what it’s called. We’ll have to change it to something better anyway. Something with an ‘X’ in it. But get ready for the spectacle we’ll make of the opening night. I have furriends in high places. We may get the President of the Divided States to attend.”

Most of us hung our heads. Then to my utter shock I heard the melodious lilt of my Belovéd ask, “We’ll need a director. You can’t put on a play without one.”

The Muskrat turned those shifty eyes on my love and I was ready to pounce in order to protect her, if need be. Instead, he grabbed the first paw he came to and pulled the cat in front of everyone. “Here’s your new director.”

We all gasped as Patches stood at centre stage.

*********

In the Kontinental Kat Agency office, the next day, Savoy and I reported the goings-on to our Boss.

“Then he made Patches the director . . . Can you believe that?” Savoy finished the tale. “She’s the wardrobe mistress and knows nothing about directing plays!”

“This is disturbing on so many levels.” The Kontinental Kat absorbed all the information. “And I know for a fact, that this new ‘lost’ play, he’s on about, is bogus. Tibbs did NOT write it.”

I could not help but meet Savoy’s eyes. We both knew the truth behind the play. You see, I had written it. I did it with the best intentions, of course, but we did not want to inform the Boss about this tiny fact.

“You two keep an eye on the others while I investigate this Muskrat character. He seems well dodgy to me.” The Kontinental Kat was on the case.

I heaved a sigh of relief. If the Boss was to concentrate on exposing the Muskrat, the author of the ‘lost’ play (namely, me) would escape further prosecution.

*********

Savoy and I went back to the theatre. We found Patches on the stage doing her best to direct the latest play. She, obviously, needed help. Just as I was about to make a suggestion, the Muskrat came storming onto the stage to join us, followed by his band of hackers. He held the script up in the air and screamed, “We cannot do this play! It’s filled with peasant propaganda! I mean . . . look at the ending . . . the rich guy is the evil one! I can’t have an audience believe that. Billionaires are the only ones who count in this world!”

“You can’t change a Tibbs play.” I exclaimed before I realized I had opposed him. Holy Smokes! Those beady eyes nearly flayed me alive.

“What?” The Muskrat trudged towards me.

“I think we should all have a quick nip break.” Patches intervened and led the Muskrat off the stage.

I wiped my brow. Another close call.

*********

Savoy and I remained on the stage with the Brazilian hackers, who for once did not follow their leader, and before I could shuffle us both away from these vile creatures, one of them approached us.

“You seem to be talented, Dash. These changes that the Muskrat wants . . . are they possible?” It seemed a reasonable inquiry.

“Anything is possible with an imagination and a bit of humour.” I answered plainly.

They had a bit of a pow-wow and the head hacker came back to us with, “We don’t know what this ‘humour’ thing is, that you’re meowing about? But could you email us the changes you’d make for the play?” His attempt at a cat purr was pathetic. I had no intentions of writing anything for them.

“You could always use ai but Dash will do it!” I heard Savoy offer.

My head nearly exploded!

*********

Savoy went in search of Patches to return her to rehearsal while I set about to work on the changes I’d make to the play. I worked on the set up for the evil rich character when Patches entered the room with Savoy right behind her.

Savoy meowed to Patches, “The Muskrat was high as a kite. He couldn’t even hold up his end of a conversation. How much nip did you give him?”

“He, obviously, has a problem but it could be useful” Patches turned to me and asked, “What are you doing?”

“Changing the play. In this version, the rich tyrant is the hero. But I’m not up to that part yet. I’m still describing how awful billionaires are.” I answered. I, honestly, wished I could stop where I was. It was the truth, after all.

“You’re late for rehearsals.” Patches meowed as she looked at her watch.

Both Savoy and I raced off to the stage. Unbeknownst to us, Patches read my work and sent off an email.

*********

By the end of the week, our rehearsals were going quite well. Then on the Wednesday before Friday’s opening night, all of us cators were joined onstage by the Muskrat and his team of hackers. They handed out a revised version of the script.

“What’s this?” Patches asked.

“My Boys have fixed the play.” The Muskrat told her with some pride.

“You fixed it? How?” Patches asked as she scanned the script.

“With ai. We’ve made it, so much better.” The head hacker replied.

We all had a quick read through. I was a tad annoyed that I had spent my precious time and imagination on changes when all they did was send it through ai. I had to admit some of the changes were fine but most of them were horrendous. Not least of which was because they glorified cruelty, dishonesty and abhorrent behaviour.

Before I could refuse to act in such a loathsome example of entertainment, Savoy joined us, holding a copy of ‘Species’, the theatre’s #1 industry magazine.

“Listen to this everyone . . .” Savoy opened the magazine and began reading, “ . . . The latest scuttlebutt from our favourite outdoor theatre season is that the takeover of the True North Production Company, is a complete disaster. The Muskrat, an animal with no qualifications, is now running the company (into the ground, by all accounts). He is reported to be a tyrannical idiot who fires anyone who doesn’t agree with him or, Cat forbid, is actually humorous. Take stock, fur furriends in the industry, if this Muskrat isn’t stopped soon, humour will become as extinct as common sense.” Savoy stopped reading. You could hear a pin drop. We all turned to our notorious new boss.

The Muskrat’s beady little eyes turned a blood shot red and he began stomping up and down the stage shouting, “I want the head of whoever wrote that! It, obviously, came from someone within these walls! If no one owns up . . . You’re all fired!”

End of Part I

*What a turn of events! Will the Muskrat be successful without the cators? Will Dash get caught as the writer of the scathing article? Will Savoy come to the rescue, once again? Stay tuned, for Part II, to find out what happens next!

The Case Of The Missing Play: Part II

31 Friday Jul 2026

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When last we met, Savoy had found something in the wardrobe department so shocking she nearly gave up tuna! 🙀

And what did she find, you may ask . . . ?

Yep, that’s right . . . The missing Patches!

*********

The next day, at the office, Savoy filled, the Kontinental Kat and myself, in.

“So, Patches was there all the time?” The Boss asked.

My tummy rumbled rather loudly and I made a few raucous retching noises but managed to keep my breakfast down, to everyone’s relief.

“Are you going to be okay?” Savoy gave me a wonderful look of concern.

I admit, the glance I returned to her was full of loving admiration.

She ignored my feeble mooning and answered the chubby, black cat’s question. “Yes. She’s been at the theatre the whole time. Patches didn’t want the Mounties after her. No criminal does.” Savoy reiterated Patches’ biggest fear.

“The RCMP don’t bother with petty crimes like local nip dealing. Those misdemeanours are up to Chief Inspector Magic and P. C. Pumpkin . . .” The Kontinental Kat explained.

I began to gag and hack again.

“ . . . The Mounties only deal with international hardened criminals and fraudsters. You know, internet hackers from Brazil and such.” The Boss furrowed his brows at me.

I, immediately, ceased hacking. I did not want the Mounties on my a** either.

“Not that kind of hacking, Dash. He means the vile, cat-hating, sheep of the South American country who have no scruples whatsoever.” Savoy explained.

There was a knock on the door and the Kontinental Kat motioned for us to hide under the desk once more. I was pleased to spend more ‘alone time’ with my Belovéd, as we dove for the safe space.

The door opened and the meow of Harvey Spielcat resonated throughout. “Have you got it yet?” He asked, his meow dripping with curiosity.

“We have. And you’ll be happy to know that all will return to normal forthwith.” The Kontinental Kat replied.

“Is it as good as it’s reported to be?” Mr. Spielcat wanted to know.

“What do you mean, ‘good’?” The Boss was confused.

“The play. The missing play that you found . . . Is it as good as they say? Will it save the festival?” Mr. Spielcat waited for an answer.

“Oh, you meant . . . ?”

I’d never seen the Kontinental Kat squirm (and honestly, since I was hiding under the desk, I technically wasn’t seeing him now) but his voice held that slightly panicked tone.

He continued, “I . . . I . . . haven’t had a read through as of yet. My agents are on it though.” The Boss seemed to be digging in deeper.

“Phew . . . I, really, thought I was going to have to sell the company to a trillionaire, lowlife, degenerate scumbag who thrives on nothing but a stroked ego and greed.” Mr. Spielcat wiped his forelock. “If things don’t pick up soon, I might have to go that route anyway.”

“That seems like a rather harsh solution.” The chubby, black cat observed.

“You’ll let me know when I can collect the script, won’t you?” The producer asked. He was laser-focused on his objective.

“Fear not. The Kontinental Kat Agency will get their man. Or in this case, ‘get the missing play’.” And with that the Boss escorted the client out of the office. He closed and locked the door. Then meowed, “What are we going to do? You two better find that missing play!”

Savoy and I crawled out from under the desk. I, immediately, let loose a giant nip-trifle hairball. I was still feeling the effects of the rehearsals for the play, ‘Trifle For Trifle’.

*********

We went back to the theatre and I entered the wardrobe department, to find Patches and Savoy beavering away with pen and paper.

“What are you two doing?” I asked.

“I’m about to light up. Care for a nip doobie?” Patches needed a rest. One giant inhale finished off her stogie and she promptly fell asleep.

“What’s going on, my Belovéd?” I turned to the love of my life.

“We’re writing a play.” Was the answer.

To meow that I was hurt, would be telling a lie. “Why didn’t you ask me to help? I’ve been known to wield a pen for the amusement of the world every now and then.” I blew my own horn. I had to have a seat as the fumes from Patches’ muscle relaxant affected my tummy. Outrageous noises emanated from my belly area.

Savoy noticed my discomfort and moved away from me. She continued to meow, “How about you write the missing play and I go in search of your poisoner?” She suggested.

This seemed like a terrific idea. How she came up with these things, had me stumped. I picked up the pen and got down to it. “Could you let Marilyn know, I’ve been detained.” I called over my shoulder as Savoy left the room.

*********

Savoy ended up in the orchestra pit. She knew Marilyn Meowroe was a flirt but why she focused on the grey and white cat, was a total mystery. Savoy heard the commotion before joining three cats. Marilyn and Sarah Furnhardt hissed at each other. They stood between the black, sackbutt player, Dancer. He grinned inanely at the hissing fit the two felines participated in. When the claws came out and the felines began rolling around on the floor, sending fur flying through the air, she finally reached them.

“Stay away from him, you hacking poisoner!” Marilyn hissed.

“He’s mine. I can poison whomever I like! You might be next!” Sarah yowled back.

Marilyn bunny-kicked Sarah until the older cat ran off. Marilyn stood up and her ears air-planed towards Dancer.

He shrugged his shoulders and laughed. “Kek . . . Kek . . . Kek . . . That was gnarly, Sheilas.”

Savoy interrupted and asked Marilyn, “Why did you call Sarah a ‘hacking poisoner’?”

Marilyn didn’t answer. She was too focused on the musician.

*********

Opening night for the play ‘Trifle For Trifle’ began without a hitch. The seats were packed and the audience was receptive. It wasn’t until Act II, Scene III where I had my big scene with Marilyn on the balcony. Ms. Davis and I acted our fur off but then disaster struck.

Right when I was in the midst of my speech about the evils of flirting, Marilyn let out a yowl and pitched herself from the balcony into the orchestra pit. From what I could see, she landed squarely on the horn soloist, taking out the sackbutt player!

The play came to a grinding halt. The curtain came down and calls of, ‘is there a vet in the house?’, thundered throughout the outdoor theatre.

Backstage, the Kontinental Kat found me and had me announce that we had to stop the production due to a serious injury to one of the musicians. The crowd dispersed.

*********

The next day, Savoy and I kept our eyes peeled at the theatre. After such an appalling opening night the Kontinental Kat wanted us to be on the spot for whatever developments were to commence.

Harvey Spielcat came into the theatre. He was visibly shaking.

“Oh, my Cat . . . We’ve had to return a ton of money! This cannot be happening!” He grasped his head with his paws and began to cry.

Patches, the wardrobe mistress, stepped forward and rubbed her head on his. “All may not be lost, Harvey.” She told him.

“How can you meow that? It’s a disaster.” He lamented.

“Maybe not. I was looking through some old costumes and found this . . .” Patches handed a play script to the producer.

Mr. Spielcat took it and wandered, slowly, off to his office. He threw it on his desk.

Savoy and I followed him. We could see, through a crack in the door, Mr. Spielcat in the office where a Muskrat sat beside Mr. Spielcat and his desk. Surrounding the Muskrat was a band of nefarious feral Santa Inêz, all of them hacking away at their iPads!

“Uh oh . . . This might be trouble.” Savoy observed.

The End!

The Case Of The Missing Play: Part I

24 Friday Jul 2026

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First of all, let me explain to those who are unaware . . . My X account was hacked! 🙀🙀. I knew this day was coming, as the geniuses running the platform formerly known as Twitter, have destroyed it irreparably. (Much like what the U. S. Government has done to its friends and allies). I will not be going back there. If I do get my account back, it will be to deactivate it. There comes a time for everyone to stand up to the nonsense and withdraw your support of the people trying to destroy your livelihood and, much worse in my opinion, squash humour. Needless to say, I will continue to make fun of the idiots. And, quite frankly, all they have done is given me an extremely funny ending for my ‘Tibbs In The Park’ series. It’s coming, don’t worry 🤣😂 . . . You can subscribe to this webpage (it’s safe from hackers, for right now anyway), it does not cost anything to subscribe and you will get an email with my weekly blogs, so you don’t miss an episode. Thank you all. Your support means the world to me. Always has . . . Always will! Love you all, Judy. Now, let’s get to this week’s blog.

The Case Of The Missing Play: Part I

Savoy and I hid under my desk. Being so close, to the lovely BSH, had my head spinning. I knew we were there to keep our identities hidden but I began whispering sweet nothings into her ear. I could not help myself. Savoy gave me ‘the look’ and I ceased.

You’d think the outpouring of unadulterated love would have softened the lovely BSH? But she was all business.

“What can I do for you, Mr. Spielcat?” The Kontinental Kat asked the visitor, over our heads.

“Who’s this lovely lady?” Harvey Spielcat, the producer of our theatre company for the Tibbs In The Park festival, asked.

I thought we’d been rumbled until I remembered that Mrs. Kontinental Kat was in the office.

“This is my wife.” I heard the Boss answer with a cold steely meow. I’d heard rumours that the chubby, black cat had a bit of a jealousy issue regarding his wife but I had never seen it in action.

“My . . . My . . . My . . . What a lucky Tom you are.” Mr. Spielcat seemed to be flirting with the Boss’ wife. 🙀

“Get to the point.” The Kontinental Kat demanded. “Can you excuse us, Babes? Maybe go to the shop downstairs and get us a couple of nip lattes.” The Kontinental Kat shuffled his wife out the door. “Now, what is it you want?”

“This summer is proving difficult to get ‘bums on seats’. I need to take drastic measures to increase profits. The entertainment industry is suffering and we have to do something to get the crowds in. So, I thought I’d do a new Tibbspearean play.” Harvey revealed his plan.

“But Tibbs has gone OTRB. You can’t have a NEW play.” The Kontinental Kat responded with reason.

“Ah . . . But I’ve heard through the industry grapevine that there is a missing play, written by the Bard Tibbs. It’s called ‘The History of Tibbsdenio.’ I’d like to hire you to find it.” Harvey announced.

While the older Toms dickered over price, I gave Savoy an incredulous look. I had never heard of this before. From the looks of Savoy, she seemed unaffected.

As soon as Mr. Spielcat left the office we came out from under the desk.

“What the Floof was that about?” I had to ask.

“That’s your next assignment.” The Kontinental Kat grinned at us.

*********

We stood on the stage, waiting for Stevo to hand out the next scripts. When he finally arrived, he took centre stage to announce, “There is going to be a bit of a surprise for everyone in the next couple of weeks. As of right now, we’ll get on with the usual plays. The next one will be ‘Trifle For Trifle’.” And with that he handed each of us the scripts.

“This play is making me hungry, just, from the title.” I meowed to Sir Rocky who stood beside me.

“Oh, ‘Trifle For Trifle’ is genius. And I, as the leading Tom, will get the feline, by the end of the play. Despite the fact that the whole play is about the ‘outlawing of flirting’.” He rejoiced.

“It’s about what?” I could not be hearing correctly. “I thought all of Tibbs’ plays had a flirting theme?” I concurred. “Are you telling me, in this one, flirting is outlawed? Tibbs must have lost his mind?”

“Yes. Tibbs thought he was King Flirt. But I was always much better than him. Now, I’ll be able to prove it with my excellent portrayal. Wait and see . . .” Sir Rocky went to his dressing room to begin learning his lines.

I had a quick flick through the script to count how many lines I had and since there were only half a dozen, at best, I decided to join Savoy and Marilyn Meowroe, one of the bit players, at the other end of the stage.

Upon reaching the girls, Savoy excused herself before I could meow a word about how lovely she looked.

“Hello, Big Boy!” Ms. Meowroe meowed seductively.

I glanced around. She was meowing to me. I raised my ears at her.

“Why don’t you come up and see me sometime?” She continued her onslaught.

“I . . . Er . . .” When she swivelled her hips and moved towards me with a determined sway, I ran off!

*********

I ran all the way to the tiny lunch room at the very back of the theatre. Standing outside it was the Scottish stage manager, Furgus.

“Mr. Furgus . . . This week’s play, ‘Trifle For Trifle’ features the wonderful dessert. But I’ve never had it before. Do you think I could have a bite before I have to eat it on stage?” I asked. Admittedly, the aromas emanating from the lunch room did have a bearing on my stomach contents, or lack thereof.

“Righty-Oh . . . Cook has just made a wee batch. Help yourself, young Dash.” He invited.

That was all I needed. I rushed into the lunch room and spotted the nip trifle right away. I got stuck in and wolfed it down. It was ambrosia.

*********

Meowing that I had made a beast of myself over the nip trifle, might be understating the facts a bit. Although, my belly was full and protruding, I was so concerned with the queasy feeling that as I returned to the stage area, I barely noticed that Marilyn had moved on from flirting with me, to one of the musicians from the orchestra. They stood in the orchestra pit.

He was a black cat with cattitude. Seemingly caring about nothing and no one.

“Have you met Dancer? He’s the Sackbutt player.” Marilyn introduced us.

I had no idea what kind of instrument he played? He stood with what looked like a trombone, of some sort. To be honest, and this might be too much information, I was less concerned about him and more distressed by my belly. It began to rebel and I started tooting a crescendo, myself.

“I don’t feel so well.” I held my stomach.

Unfortunately, rehearsal was called at that moment. This was my one big scene so I had to be present. Ms. Catte Davis and I stood below the balcony while Marilyn sat up from us. We did a quick run through with the scripts in our paws and read our lines.

Then without warning, I could not hold it in another moment. I began hacking until I threw up . . . right on Ms. Davis! 🙀

“I want, this idiot, fired!” Ms. Davis demanded.

*********

Savoy watched from the wings and decided to use the opportunity to do her job. She approached Furgus and asked, “Where’s Patches? She’s going to have to lend Catte an outfit, since Dash just hacked up all over her.”

“Wee Patches is on the lam. No one has seen hide nor hair of her, in a fortnight.” He spoke colourfully.

“I’ll go to wardrobe and pick out an outfit for Ms. Davis.” Savoy offered amidst a cacophony of curses and demands to get rid of me, from the stage area.

I, helplessly, watched as Savoy made her way downstairs in the theatre. It wasn’t until later that she told me what she had found.

Apparently, Savoy used the distraction of my unfortunate dicky tummy to go in search of the missing play. While everyone else tried to calm the leading lady, Savoy snuck into the wardrobe department.

First she searched all the drawers. Because if one was going to hide a missing script, that’s where it would be, right?

Wrong.

There was no play. She checked behind mirrors, wall hangings and flipped through books. Nothing. It occurred to her, the best place to hide anything was right in plain sight. She looked around and began to shift between the Tibbspearean costumes hanging on the racks.

Then she noticed a tent-like structure. In reality it was a Farthingale covered by a blanket. The circular whale bone hoops for the medieval skirts sat on the floor, off to the side.

Savoy approached with caution. She grasped the lid on the blanket and pulled it off to look inside.

“Oh, my Cat!” 🙀🙀

End of Part I

*Don’t miss next week’s blog to find out, exactly, what Savoy found! Did she find the script? Did she find an outfit for Catte Davis to wear? Did she find poison for nip trifle? You don’t want to miss the next instalment!

The Case Of The Cursed Costume: Part II

17 Friday Jul 2026

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Opening night was an exciting time for me. Starring in the title role of the play King Tibbs, was deffo the highlight of my summer, so far.

I don’t know if you’re familiar with the Tibbspearean play but it’s all about the horrible wretchedness of losing a kitten. Personally, I’ve never had kittens to draw from such an experience but I could imagine what it was like to lose something so dear, especially when my Savoy played the role of the King’s belovéd daughter. I would be crushed to lose her.

I lamented . . . I groaned and thanks to the costume, with which I was commissioned to wear, I wept uncontrollably, right on cue. The penultimate scene, which I thought I had captured to purrfection moved the audience as much as it did, me. They felt my pain.

The scene culminated with Savoy and Ms. Catte Davis manipulating the King to do their bidding. This scene came at a point when I could feel the cursed costume actually taking over my comfort level and it began to forcefully squeeze my nether region. So when I annunciated the words, ‘I be ashamed that thou hast power to shake my tomhood thus . . .’, tears sprang from my eyes unabated.

Needless to meow, I recieved a plethora of curtain calls which only prolonged my agony. Being the true professional I was, I did what us cats do and hid the pain. Luckily, Furgus, our Scottish stage manager, was there to catch me once I exited the stage to thunderous applause.

“Are ye alright?” Furgus asked, laying me on the floor.

“Where’s Ms. Patches? I need to get out of this ill-fated costume, fast!” I yowled. And to be honest, I did not recognize my own meow. It was at least two octaves higher than it had ever been. It was even higher than when I was a kitten!

Furgus went in search of the wardrobe mistress as I writhed around in pain on the floor of the wings.

He seemed to be gone for an extremely lengthy time. Or maybe it just felt that way because I was being strangled by the costume? Whatever the time, when I wiped the tears from my eyes, it was to be faced with the stern features of a black Persian.

“Chief Inspector?” I enquired as I looked up at him.

Then before I could utter another meow, my mouth was covered and blown into by a sandy coloured Tom of the same breed.

I did my best to shove him off me but every time I moved, the costume squeezed tighter at my backside and I nearly passed out.

“Ah . . .” I let out a yowl. The Tom giving me mouth to mouth leapt back.

“WTFLOOF?” He voiced his confusion then claimed, “I saved Dash’s life!” P. C. Pumps began to primp and preen and lick his ears.

“Okay, Pumpkin . . . Don’t get cocky . . . That’s your job.” Chief Inspector Magic deflated his brofur’s proud moment. “Search the building with the others.” Magic sent him off with a load of other cops.

I wiped my mouth and noticed the horrified Savoy standing next to the Chief Inspector.

“Why are you here?” She asked the black Persian.

“We got a call that there’s an excessive amount of nip on the premises. We’re here to arrest the dealer.” The Chief Inspector explained. “We didn’t know, your boy here, was going to need the kiss of life.”

“I was NOT kissed by Pumpkin!” I insisted in my squeaky voice. I had to remove this costume before my tomhood would come into question.

I allowed Savoy to aid me to my dressing room while the police executed their search warrant.

*********

Lying on the couch, flat out, with the costume off me, I could, finally, breathe again.

Savoy returned from her dressing room, wearing her regular clothes, I quickly, covered myself and asked, “Did you see Patches? I need a meow with her. I can’t spend the next week with that costume squeezing my . . . The costume needs major alterations.” I stopped myself from being too vulgar in front of my love.

“Patches has gone missing.” Savoy meowed matter-of-factly.

I was about to question this new development, when the Chief Inspector and P. C. Pumps entered the room.

“Did you find anything?” Savoy asked the Persian in charge.

“Nothing.” Chief Inspector Magic answered.

P. C. Pumps came and stood beside the couch. He eyed me a bit too familiarly, for my liking. “I saved your life earlier . . .” He winked.

I don’t know what he expected of me but I wasn’t prepared to encourage him.

“Can I have some privacy! I need to change . . .”

They all left.

*********

A few more days of chafing and I was ready, willing and eager to go to see the vet! 🙀. My voice was permanently higher now and as I sat at my desk, in the office, I could barely concentrate on the conversation between Savoy and the Boss. Something about Patches’ wardrobe domain . . . to get evidence on her? As light-headed as I was, I simply agreed to whatever Savoy suggested.

Savoy took me by the paw to lead me out of the office.

*********

Since I was at a noticeable disadvantage, I remained ‘look-out’ while Savoy entered the lion’s den (the wardrobe department) to search for the nip stash. We knew it had to be there. Patches would never wander far from her supply. Because of the fact that the Merry Widow had not shown up for work, we did not expect any disturbances. So, you can imagine my surprise, when Stevo, the director, wandered over to wardrobe.

“Can I help you?” I stopped him from entering the room.

“Oh . . . Er . . . I was looking for . . .” Stevo stumbled over his meows.

“Yes?” The question came out a bit harshly but, to be fair, my nether regions stung still.

“Has Patches shown up yet?” Stevo inquired.

“No.” I answered.

“You don’t happen to have any . . . ?” Before he could finish the request, Stevo got spooked by a noise down the hall and he took off.

As I looked after him, I turned just as Ms. Catte Davis reached for the door handle of the wardrobe department.

“She isn’t there.” I told the leading lady.

“Who isn’t?” She pulled her paw away. “I, just, wanted to check out next week’s costumes.” Ms. Davis made a lame excuse.

“I’m pretty sure Patches hasn’t got to them yet.” I looked up and Ms. Davis was gone but had been replaced by the producer, Harvey Spielcat.

“Hmmm . . .” He began. “Do you know who’s taking over for her?” He asked.

“Surely, you, as the producer, would know that, better than I.” I reasoned.

“I don’t deal in . . . Oh, you mean, as the wardrobe mistress?” Harvey seem very nervous.

“What else?” I asked.

Just then, there was a bump which emanated from the room full of costumes. I prepared a plausible excuse for the noise but luckily the sound frightened Mr. Spielcat off.

Savoy stuck her head out of the door. “All clear?”

“All clear.” I confirmed.

*********

We rushed to the office to report Savoy’s findings. The Kontinental Kat had to know about this. I have to admit, I lagged behind and even though we travelled together, by the time I reached the office, they had conversed, formed a plan and were drinking pumpkin tea, on their break.

“Did she tell you?” I flopped on my chair only to leap into the air again, when my sore rear end hit the solid furniture.

“She did. The plan is set.” The Kontinental Kat smirked.

*********

The final performance of King Tibbs ended in great acclaim. I was about to reap the benefits of this torturous week. No amount of pain and discomfort would have stopped me. Not then . . . Not now. The world was my oyster and I was King of the stage!

After the last curtain call, I lumbered to the wings where the cast, crew, my Boss, the police and Sir Rocky stood applauding my achievement. I drank in the adulation and let it wash over me.

Once I received the plaudits from everyone, I neared Sir Rocky. I could see that he regretted giving me the part. We shook paws.

He pulled me in closer and whispered, “Sic transit gloria mundi, Bud.”

I had no idea what that meant, so I replied, “You were a fool to give up this role because of a silly curse. I have the world at my claw tips now.” I boasted.

Chief Inspector Magic and P. C. Pumps joined us. “P. C. Pumps, search him.”

This brought me down to earth with a thud. Was Sir Rocky the one behind Patches nip business? Was this ‘the plan’ that the Kontinental Kat and my Savoy had in store to catch the nip dealer?

Before I knew what was happening, P. C. Pumps began rummaging through my costume. He stuck his paws in the cod-piece and upon removal, I felt an awkward sense of relief as he held up the mother lode of nip!

*********

I entered the office, in total humiliation. Yes, I had been arrested. Yes, I was out on bail. Yes, I had been avoiding the press and P. C. Pumps. NO, I WAS NOT GUILTY!

“Don’t look so glum, young Dash.” The Kontinental Kat patted my shoulder, “You did brilliantly.”

“I did?” I looked to Savoy for confirmation.

“All went according to plan.” Savoy agreed.

“It did?” I was confused.

“Auntie Patches is on the run and whoever is pulling her strings will know that we’re onto them.” Savoy continued to make me feel better.

“This isn’t over. We’ll get this mastermind criminal.” The Kontinental Kat remained determined, “It doesn’t matter how many times you have to go to jail!”

“At least you won’t have to wear that cursed costume any more. It’s at the police station as evidence.” Savoy always saw the bright side of any situation.

The End.

	suebayliss49 on The Case Of The OTRB Cattress:…
	thejoyofcats on The Case Of The OTRB Cattress:…
	suebayliss49 on The Case Of The OTRB Cattress:…
	thejoyofcats on The Case Of The Trapped Muskra…
	suebayliss49 on The Case Of The Trapped Muskra…

TheJoyOfCats

~ Nothing like the joy of cats

The Case Of The Grey & White Feline League: Part I

The Case Of The OTRB Cattress: Part II

The Case Of The OTRB Cattress: Part I

The Case Of The Trapped Muskrat: Part II

The Case Of The Trapped Muskrat: Part I

The Case Of The Sinking Ship: Part II

The Case Of The Sinking Ship: Part I

The Case Of The Missing Play: Part II

The Case Of The Missing Play: Part I

The Case Of The Cursed Costume: Part II

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