Rules Are Made To Be Broken

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As a feline owner, we make the rules. Once adoption has taken place, the strict laws ‘that will be enforced’, are quickly and blatantly ignored by the cat who had chosen you for their sucker . . . I mean, family.

You may have the best intentions of handing out only a few treats every other day. Or be adamant that there will be no climbing on the counters. But before you know it, the treats are free-flowing and you have to sit on another chair, so as not to disturb the cat who has taken possession of the best seat in the house.

It becomes obvious that you have lost all control, when the cat is on the back of the sofa, lounging behind your head and he/she decides to return to the floor, using your head and body as a step ladder.

And you are okay with that!

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Catnip Coma

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The challenge with some felines is getting them to try new things. Whether food, treats, toys or any new products, it can all have an adverse effect on the equilibrium of one’s pets. Then I discovered a secret that is so blatantly obvious in its brilliance, I cannot believe the person who came up with such a solution was not awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.

It is, of course, to sprinkle the brand new item with catnip!

This was done as an experiment with a cat bed, fresh from the store. Normally, my cats will sniff at new stuff and walk away. Leaving me to pay the Visa bill for another unused piece of feline merchandise.

After liberally dousing the said cat bed with some kitty-crack, I enjoyed the euphoric display of bliss from my nip addict. Patches exhibited a rapturous ecstasy as she rolled around on the bed.

This state of jubilation went on until she passed out in a catnip coma. The perfect solution for all involved really.

The Tail

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Have you ever been jolted out of a deep slumber at 6:30 am by, what can only be described, as a yowling? A piercing wail that goes on and on. So much so, that sleep becomes impossible and you get up to investigate.

You find that, not only is the cat running from window to door emitting high pitched warning signals but their tail is about three inches thick. Both are indications of obvious distress. Surely, this must point to a serial killer at large with the intent of breaking into the house! 🙀🙀

Oh wait . . . we’re dealing with cat logic, it is simply another feline brazenly wandering around the outside of the house.

As soon as the intruder has been seen off, the inside cats are totally calm and fast asleep within seconds. The Humans . . . well . . . they were going to get up early anyway.

Smirking Yoga Cats

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Cats have this innate ability to practise yoga. They do not need years of study or the latest fashion from Lululemon. All it takes, is a long restful sleep and upon awakening there will be a lengthening of muscles which automatically follows. Sometimes, a full body stretch is precipitated with the back paws being extended to their fullest, one at a time.

This is all well and good for the cats but it can be hazardous for any humans who happen to walk near them. Felines could care less if you stroll by, first thing in the morning, being too sleepy to give careful attention to their presence. Nor are they bothered about how foolish it makes you look to be tripped up by an elongated back leg. In fact, the more idiotic they make you appear, the sweeter their disposition.

I’m sure cats can smirk!

TV Time

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Watching TV with a house full of cats can be an unexpected pleasure. Most of the time they will purr loudly while accompanying you on the sofa. If you are one of the lucky ones, they will favour you with a turn on the lap. Others might decide your hands need holding or your head is the spot where they want to plant themselves.

None of them, seemingly, care much for the programs that have been chosen. Although, some have been known to swipe at the screen when it takes their fancy. Or a changing of the channel takes place just when the most exciting part of the show is about to occur. In their eyes, it serves you right for not bestowing upon them the attention they deserve.

Loud noises can effect an otherwise enjoyable night in front of the tube, as well. When sirens go off, onscreen, there is a mad scatter. This can leave massive scars if the lap-cat is audio sensitive. Pleasure soon turns to pain but the cats are never to blame. Quality time can either be spent in front of the TV or stroking the pets.

The choice is yours but I know which one the cats prefer.

Rabbit Enemy #1

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On the rare occasions when the cats have brought home dinner; (no, not of the fish & chips or pizza variety) mice, birds or snake are usually on the menu. It is easy to ignore such fare and leave them to their feast. Other than the tell-tale signs of blood and guts everywhere, the next day, it is all part of being a cat owner. This is the natural order of the ‘food chain’ system, like it or not.

When one of the furry pets brings home a cute baby bunny, things change dramatically, as humans tend to go off the rails when faced with an adorable rabbit. They will spend copious amounts of time running around in an attempt to get the cat to let go of their prey. Knowing that the little bunnies can die from stress makes chasing the animals counterproductive and futile when dealing with a determined kitty.

Oh, how I wish, felines would abide by the ‘Catch and Release’ principle. Especially, where lovable ‘Bugs’ is concerned.

Rabbit Enemy #1.

BatCat

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Sometimes, you live with a cat for years and never consider the obvious. It took a virtual stranger to point out that Minnie wore a ‘bat mask’. Looking at her, it is plain to see.

This kind of thing cannot be overlooked. She has now become a caped crusader and is in training to safeguard the world. She will come running when the bat signal is shone on the wall. (It may appear to be a red dot.)

With careful concern for others, she has taken her duty seriously and is ready to pounce on criminals at a moments notice. (Okay, that could be any stray cats outside.) As her identity must be protected, she almost never takes the mask off.

A super hero cat is always prepared to meow for the rights of the unfed. (Particularly, if the food bowl is perplexingly empty.)

Minnie is BatCat. Wherever or whenever she is needed, she will miraculously appear and save the day.

Loving The View: The Cleo And Tibbs Story

Chapter 11

For Fiona and My Amigas: Gone But Not Forgotten

The Proposal

No communication with Cleo, my Queen, for an entire week, had me a complete wreck.  I shall tell you how bad it was . . . I practically went off my food! 🙀  Not for long though, while partaking of my favourite pastime; eating, I came up with an ingenious plan where I could send her the odd (not in a strange way) tweet without her knowing who it came from.  This allowed me to release some of my pent up blarney.

I wrote ‘Everything you do is adorable’.  And when she returned giggles, I could not resist tweeting, ‘I live for those giggles.  I ❤️ U. 😽💋😻.’  And I signed the tweets, Anonymous. (I am very clever!) This lovely creature possessed the capability of sending me into raptures and I wanted more of those giggles. I had to decide if we were to part for all eternity or swallow my pride and curb my jealousy of this Binky, therefore restoring the relationship with my Queen.

Thinking long and hard about the dilemma sent me to my happy place (not the food bowl this time, although plenty of 🍿 was involved). I began to re-watch all the movies sent to me during #MTIFF.  Videos always put me in a relaxed state.  While perusing the films, I came across an amusing ‘short’ entitled ‘Goalkeeper’. It starred none other than Binky!  What?!

Then, I remembered this film and my review as I had mistakenly thought Binky was a Tom.  She is, indeed, a female feline!  And I had made the same mistake a second time! This break up with my Queen was all for nothing! Here I thought she was flirting with another Tom and all the while Binky was a girl cat! I am a nincompoop! An imbecile! A chump! So much for being clever.

Once I realized this blunder, making up was uppermost in my mind.  (Mayhap, no one would notice my faux pas?) How could I possibly restore myself into the bosom of Cleopatra?  Using my noggin’ this time nearly did me in.  Then I remembered,  her birthday was coming up on the 5th of September.  I would plan something extraordinary.

Plucking up courage, I confessed about the Anonymous tweets.  As it turned out, she knew it was me all the time. Her brain power astounds me. I told my Queen I could not go on without her and hinted that the countdown was on for a pleasant bombshell to occur, the following week.

’I just realized it’s my birthday next week’.  She answered.  The penny dropped.

’Is it?  Well . . . Well . . . Well . . .’  I feigned ignorance of this knowledge.

Now, that I had tweeted the fact that something was up, I was a bit nervous about the timing and if I could pull off, my big surprise, on the day?  On the 4th of September, I wrote,

‘You beauty!  Because of the time difference, I’ll be asleep when you get up but know I’ll be waiting for a tweet from you, my heart and soul.

Your,

Mark Antony.’

This was it.  I had arranged for my Queen to receive a lovely gift, from my heart, with a question attached.

My question . . . ‘Cleo, will you meowy me?

Her answer was a resounding, ‘Yes!’

Now, we shall spend the rest of our lives ‘Loving The View’.

Loving The View: The Cleo And Tibbs Story

Chapter 10

 

Another Break Up

 

All this talk of weddings and such took its toll on me.  Try as I might, to avoid the subject, it continued to be a major source of tweets.  My pal, Spooky wrote, ‘You really must get on with your proposal to Cleo.  I won’t give up on that one.’

To which my Queen responded with a couple of photos of cats in wedding clobber.  She persevered and answered, ‘Found some lovely outfits online that would be lovely for a special occasion Mr. Tibbs.  *innocent ears*’.  Innocent ears, I ask you?

Spooky returned with, ‘Unless he sorts his brain out, I think he may end up as a lost cause and you may have to find a REAL Tom! See what he thinks of that!’  Did I claim that Spooky is a pal of mine?  Hmmph, some friend!

Cleo, ever the beautiful soul, came back with, ‘Mr. Tibbs is the only Tom for me.’  Is she not the greatest?

Another of my Angels, Toni the Tigress, commented, ‘You love him so much Cleo!!! ❤️

To which, the love of my life, replied, ‘I do Toni, he has my ❤️.’

Toni added, ‘He is so lucky to have found a kitty who is so lovely, sweet and caring.  I hope he realizes how lucky he is,’

My Amigas put in their two cents worth, ‘Cleo is a lovely lady. #TibbsysAngels are glad he has somekitty like her. *Hoping for a wedding invitation*.

Toni remarked, ‘Me too!!! ❤️’.

That was when I had to jump into the conversation.  ‘Me too. Who’s getting married?  Mr. Tibbs, *likes a swanky celebration*’  I was up for a wedding, so long as it was not mine.

Well, didn’t this set off a firestorm?  Spooky, my so-called friend, put things into perspective by observing, ‘Mr. Tibbs you’re dodging the issue again. It is YOU and Cleo who are supposed to be getting married!  I can see you shaking with fear again.’

To say I was confused, would be an understatement.  I could have sworn we were talking about some other cats.  I thought it best to point out the obvious, ‘Cleopatra hasn’t asked me to marry her! 🙀’

Another of my Angels, Cleo, my love, scolded, ‘OMC, Mr. T. Get with the program and ask Cleo to be your bride.  You will make the most wonderpurr couple.’

All our Twitter friends wanted ME to propose to Cleo?!

Toni spoke for many when she said, ‘What is he waiting for? We want a wedding!!!’

You can see the pressure I was under.  Things took a turn, when I found myself online searching for the perfect engagement ring.  It frightened me.  This Tomcat felt the need to rebel.  Unfortunately, it led to some serious flirting with Kiki and Fiona, two of my newer admirers.  Some times, I can get myself into such trouble.

‘Mr. Tibbs, I would share my fancy feast with you anytime’, the lovely Kiki offered.  She is a kindhearted kitty who enjoys her meals.

How could I resist? I’m not made of stone, after all. ‘I’m yours Kiki!  *my Cleo, is going to be so jealous*’. I knew as soon as I sent that tweet, there was going to be a hullabaloo.

Of course, Spooky jumped on it right away. ‘I, just, can’t believe what I’ve read, Mr. Tibbs! How can you give yourself to Kiki when you’re supposed to be proposing to Cleo? Nervous?’

Well, of course, I was anxious about all the tweets expecting a marriage proposal.  What Tom wouldn’t be?

Then a tweet came in that broke my heart. Cleo send, ‘*Dabs tear with paw* 😿’

This sent my Angel, Cleo, Love, on a rampage, at my expense, ‘*paw hugs for Cleo*. Mr. Tibbs! Mew a bad kitty! *stomps paw*’

My thoughtless behaviour was, once again, losing me valued friendships. ‘Et tu Cleo, my love? *hangs head in shame*. Mr. Tibbs, *all my Angels are deserting me*’

‘Mew let food turn mew’s head! Poor Cleo will never have a moment’s peace! Mew must trust Cleo to give mew all mew need (although it’s a lot!)’.  Cleo, my love, was pulling no punches.  She tried to steer me in the right direction by adding, ‘Mew is a handsome kitty cat.  Cleo is very lucky to have mew’s heart!’

Then it happened!  Much to my consternation I became aware of some photos that Cleopatra had been sending to another British Short Hair, called Binky. Very alluring photos, I might add. Fear of losing her, bubbled to the surface. I can get a bit jealous, at times

‘She has had my heart in the past, Cleo, my love. The future is . . . uncertain, at best. For all of us. Mr. Tibbs, *being deliberately vague*. I answered.

‘Mr. Tibbs, can you at least pawwise not to go running off to some vixen bunny rabbit who is trying to trick mew? I still worry about that.’ Cleo, Love warned.

‘It won’t be me running off with another. I wish I could say the same for my Queen. Any thoughts of brides, weddings or diamond rings are off the table! Mr. Dumped.’ I was sure she had forsaken me for another.  With a broken heart, I offered, ‘I may have to . . . sob 😿 . . . set her free, I don’t deserve such an Angel. Mr. Tibbs, *weeps uncontrollably*’.  I was angry and hurt!  But what could I do?  I was unprepared to share her with another.

My Queen sent back, ‘Mr. Tibbs I ❤️ mew!’

‘Do you, indeed? Mayhap, you’re too young to know what ❤️ means? Mr. Tibbs, *trying not to let the green-eyed monster prevail. 😿’. I was not happy about her sending those beautiful pictures to some other cat.  The next tweet was the hardest I ever had to write, ‘It may be for the best that we part. As everyone says, ‘you derserve better’ 😿 I’ll remain your friend forever. (If you still want). Mr. T.’

‘Mew are my purrfect kitty Mr. Tibbs but alas if mew only want to be furriends sweetie, furriends it is. *sad sigh*’. Cleo was resigned to the inevitable.

‘I promise to be a much better friend, than I have been as your Tom-friend. *off to join the monks of St Jude’s, patron saint of lost causes*. I foresaw a bleak future.

This break-up had friends wondering what had happened. Cleo, Love tweeted, ‘*scratches head with paw*

Then Spooky wrote, ‘You sound as confused as me!!! What’s Mr. Tibbs up to??’

I clarified the situation, ‘The fact that Cleopatra persists in sending lovely photos of herself to every Tom, Tom and Binky confuses me. You’d think she doesn’t care?’ I admit it. I was jealous despite our amicable parting.

‘But . . . but . . . but . . . *wails uncontrollably* 😿’. Cleo was, clearly, more upset about this split than I suspected.  Setting her adrift was the only thing I could think of to do.  If she wanted to pursue this Binky, I would not stand in her way.

 

Next Chapter:  Will this be the end or the beginning?

Loving The View; The Cleo And Tibbs Story

Chapter 9

Avoiding The Issue

Well, wouldn’t you know it, Cleopatra and I made up.  My heart filled with the love that this little British Short Hair instilled in me.  Nothing could make me prouder than to be in her good graces again.

My beauty Queen may have gotten a bit carried away with our reunion though as, my recently passed pal, Zackcat asked, ‘Has he given you a promise ring? That happens before the engagement.  Enjoy each phase of the love dance.’  Zack was a true gent.  I miss him every day.

Cleo answered, ‘Promise ring . . . Oh, I like the sound of that, Mr. Tibbs.  *innocent ears*’  Subtlty is not one of my Queen’s finer character traits.

I may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer but I understated hints like that and recognize them almost immediately.  I answered, ‘As promised, my Queen. Ring, ring . . . Ring, ring . . . Hello, my petite’   She, obviously, wanted me to give her a call on the phone she had thoughtfully provided for me.

Then tragedy struck!  My Grandma had a fall and broke her hip.  The next couple days were sheer misery.  On more than one occasion the food bowl was not replenished and I was close to starvation, as you can see.

Luckily, Grandma made it through her operation and the bountiful supply of food returned to normal.  Thank goodness. (On both counts)

Throughout the ordeal, all my Twitter pals were kindness itself.  Offering up prayers and good wishes.  I had to wipe away the tears.  I, truly, have the best kitty-friends ever.

It did make me re-examine my special relationship with Queen Cleopatra.  I mentioned that I had something to discuss with her.  ‘I know you think I make snap decisions during emotional times but through all this, I must ask an important question, Cleo my Queen . . .’

I ran out of space and had to continue later with, ‘ Grandma’s fall has put things in perspective.  Tell me, if you think this the honourable thing . . . ?  Mr. Tibbs, *nervous about the proposal*.  Leaving such an awkward ending was all the 140 characters Twitter allowed.  Quite frankly, it set Twitter abuzz with tweets about what my intentions were going to be.

It took a third try to, finally, get to the point.  ‘Ok, here goes.  I propose . . . that we should . . . dedicate our book to my Grandma.  What say you, my Queen?  Mr. Tibbs, *paws crossed*

She is an Angel and, of course, my Cleopatra agreed.  ‘Mr. Tibbs That is a wonderful idea.  I love it. 💋’

‘Hurray!  I knew we’d be on the same page about this.  All trepidation gone.  Phew!  Everything back to normal.  Mr. Tibbs, *why all the 💍 tweets?*.  Have to admit, I was so focused on Cleo agreeing to my idea that I was not going to be distracted by everyone else speculating about what I was proposing.

Then my Queen sent a beautiful photo of herself in a lovely outfit.

‘Cleo, look at you, all dressed up in your Scottish finery.’  She is so beautiful, I got carried away and told her, ‘You are the prettiest, don’t forget that, my Queen and the kindest most loving, warm-hearted, soon-to-be wed . . .🙀🙀🙀🙀.  Never mind’  I nearly made a huge blunder.

‘Squeeeee, soon-to-be wed, mew say. *excited ears*  She answered.

I had to, quickly, back pedal to get myself out of this mess.  I returned, ‘My Queen . . . I . . Ummm . . . What I meant to say was, ‘it’s soon to be Wednesday.’  My favourite day.’  This was getting complicated.  I kept loosing my head and mentioning marriage.  It had to stop.

I could not do it though.  I slipped up again after she sent me this tweet, ‘Squeeeee . . .❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️’

‘Looks like Chapter 10 is being written and I’m still working on Chapter 2.  Slow down, my Queen.  Mr. Tibbs, *may have a look in the jewellery . . .*

‘Jewellery, mew say? *innocent ears*’  The lovely Cleo dropped hints in the most adorable manner.

‘My Queen, I ran out of room.  I intended to say, ‘I may have a look in the jewellery box where we keep the extra pens.  Got to finish the book’

‘*giggles* When you get that extra pen have a little 👀 see if there’s anything else in there that might catch your eye’  I had no idea what she meant by that but it began to tax, my otherwise, calm demeanour.

The wedding banter went on for a few days.  Until it all got too much for me!  Finally, I cracked when to my utter shock, I found that Cleopatra, the kitty I loved, was sending photos of herself to another cat!

 

Next Time:  Could another break-up be in the offing?